an epic saga

why couldn't it be mini golf

It turned out the reason Yazzy was so salty was because Joe had stormed off to "join the Black Parade," his words exactly. I shook my head sadly when Yazzy told me that; Joe was five years too late, but then, hope is the cruelest of human emotions.

The Egg said that when Joe left he'd been wearing jeans that were practically splitting at the seams they were so tight, poker-straight black hair, and intense eyeliner with a diameter of two inches, smudged so that it filled the hollows his eyes occupied.

I sighed. There was no point trying to console Yazzy, whatever I tried wouldn't work. So I did the only thing I knew how.

"Yoooooo, Yazzy," I said, already filling my voice with the persuasion that I would need.

"What," She snapped, not looking up from her phone.

"How's about we go get super drunk, go to a club, and hit on anything with two legs?" I asked, batting my near non-existent eyelashes at her. I felt a sudden pressure on my shoulder and tilted my head to look. Right where there had been nothing a minute ago, there was now a tiny ginger girl glaring her determined eyes at me out from a meadow of freckles.

My jaw dropped. WHERE HAD THIS SMALL PERSON COME FROM?

"What?" She demanded, sticking her hands on her hips. She glared up at me, eyebrows furrowed.

"Where the fuck did you come from?" I shouted. I turned to Yazzy, to see her reaction, but she was frozen mid-scroll. The Egg too was at an impossible angle to maintain, rocked back on his haunches under the table. Time had stopped, it seemed.

Why did these things happen to me :(

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" She exclaimed, staring up at me with a mix of amusement and frustration decorating her freckle-peppered face.

"I- I'm just... Uh..." I tugged on my collar nervously with one finger. This small girl was incredibly intimidating, considering she was barely as long as my index finger. Unless I just had abnormally long fingers... I glanced down. They didn't look any longer than normal. Huh. The girl stomped her foot, sending an aching pain through my shoulder. "Ow! Hey. It's very warm in here. Does anyone else think it's very warm in here?"

"You complete and utter frippin' lobster! Why is your solution alcohol?!" The short girl shouted at me. I actually stepped back, for all the good it did, what with her being on my shoulder.

I looked down guiltily, feeling a blush rise in my cheeks. "Because... uh... shut up! But-"

"Don't you 'but' me!" She jabbed her finger at my cheek frustratedly. "That is a stupid thing to do and you need to find something better, or else!"

"B-but-" I stuttered

"No buts!" She yelled, eyes narrowing. I could very easily imagine her in a white polo shirt and red shorts with a whistle, screaming at poor teenagers to run faster. "Just do it!"

And then she was gone, as quickly as she had appeared. Time suddenly started again, leaving me stunned and flushed, with no valid explanation for why.

Yazzy turned to look at me, a frown tugging her eyebrows down and pushing her delicate lips into a slight pout. "What?"

I backtracked mentally, trying to remember what I'd been talking about before that weird interaction. I shuddered, feeling a phantom weight on my shoulder again.

"You okay?" Yazzy asked, a shade of genuine concern coming nowhere near her completely uninterested "I'm only asking because I'm worried that if I don't you'll do something crazy and I don't want to deal with that right now" voice. She'd already turned her attention back to her glowing screen, idly sipping on a carton of apple juice.