My Superman (A Tim Tebow love story)

Scared

I almost have to pinch myself every morning I wake up laying next to Tim to make sure I'm not dreaming. If he wakes up before me he is usually facing me waiting for me to wake up and the first thing I would see is his sharp blue eyes.

But this morning was a little different. I woke up to him typing on his phone very fast. He always tries not to be on his phone because he wants to pay attention to the rest of the world.

"Good morning Tim! Is everything okay?"

"Good morning beautiful. Everything's fine, I'm just leaving today."

"You're leaving today? Why? Where?"

" it's going to be okay I promise. I'm just going to go around and speak at some churches."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I didn't know for sure if I was going yet. But now I definitely know I'm leaving."

"Well can I come with you?"

"I thought about you but I thought you wouldn't want to come. I thought it would be better if you stayed home."

"Why didn't you ask me? I would love to go."

"I'm sorry Leah. I'm so used to only taking care of my self. I want to be with you and all, I just didn't even think of you wanting to come with me."

"Do you remember what happened last time you left me alone?"

"I do and it breaks my heart to think about that. But you're not alone here, you still have my mom and my dad. I thought that would be enough support."

"That's true. But I'm still really going to miss you."

"I will miss you too and I promise to call you everyday."

He kissed me and got up to start packing. I was actually a little annoyed with him. He should've asked me. I know that Pam and Bob are here to be there for me, but nobody is Tim. I'm scared of what's going to happen. I need to have more confidence in myself I know but I have to be honest.

----------------------------------------------

Tim's been gone for 5 days now. I've binged about 5 times and I've been basically living in the gym. Thinking about it, Tim is really the only reason I eat normally. Without him being physically here I don't have a reminder not to gorge myself on food and exercise until I feel like I have to pass out. He's going to be gone for a few more days. Pam and Bob have been amazing though, Pam especially. She just understands all the girl problems I have.

Speaking about girl problems, my period is late. Probably because of my destructive eating habits. But thinking about it, crap I threw up this morning. And not because I forced myself to. I knew I would never purge by vomiting, exercising is the way I can purge. I'm used to eating a lot of food all at once but right now all I want is a bunch of random food. Like pickles and cake and popcorn and fish and everything in between. I can't be... There's no way....

I mean it is possible that I'm pregnant. Tim and I have had sex plenty of times. Thinking about that makes my body tingle and I bite my lip. He is so sexy, so strong, so spectacular. I know we probably could've been more careful, but when he comes at me naked I will never say no.

But shit. This is going to sound terrible and incredibly selfish, but I'm scared to gain all that weight and it messing up my body. I know I mess up my body binging and purging already but I can't just purge to get rid of baby weight. But we just got married a few months ago. Are we really ready for a baby?I know Tim would be happy and supportive but we have to be realistic.

I need to end these racing thoughts about being pregnant. Best way to do that is to go get a pregnancy test. I'm going to the store now.

Just as I was walking out the door Pam asked "where are you going sweetie?"

"Oh um I'm just going out to the uh store real quick. Be right back."

I didn't want to tell her why I was going because I didn't want to get her hopes up. I might not be pregnant after all.

I came back with a bag of groceries and the pregnancy test. I know I shouldn't keep hiding this but I might not be pregnant and if I am I need to compose myself.

I went to the bathroom, peed on the stick and waited. It felt like a decade before it gave me my results.

Shit shit shit. It's positive. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. Shouldn't I be all happy and excited that I'm going to have a baby? But of course I'm freaking selfish and can only think of myself. I did the only thing I could think to do. I went to Pam.

"What's wrong Leah?" She asked.

"I'm pregnant Pam and I'm scared. Scared of myself."

"That's wonderful sweetie. And it's going to be okay. You know that Tim will be there for you and us too."

"I know and I appreciate that a lot. "What I'm scared of is what it's going to do to my body. I know that sounds selfish and stupid but that's how I feel."

"I appreciate you telling me how you feel. Yes the baby will mess with your body a bit, but it will be worth it and you can take care of it. I promise."

"Thanks. I really appreciate that."

Talking to her feels like talking to my mom. Speaking of my mom I should probably call her. I need to call Tim too. Why couldn't he have just stayed home or taken me with him?

"Hey mom"

"Hey Leah! How's everything going?"

"Things are okay. I'm calling to tell you I'm pregnant."

"You're pregnant? That great baby! So how are you feeling?"

"I'm doing alright just trying to deal with everything."

"That's understandable. Is Tim really excited?"

"Actually he doesn't know yet."

"How come he doesn't know?"

"Well he's not home right now so I have to call him next."

"Okay just don't hide it from him alright?"

"I promise I won't."

"Love you Leah."

"Love you too mom."

Ok now to call Tim. I don't know why I'm worried to call him. Worried isn't the right word. I don't know. I don't know anything. God I'm such a mess.

Thinking about it I'm not going to call him. I don't want to bother him, knowing Tim he'd probably get the next flight back home. I don't want to distract him. Once he gets home I'll tell him. I'm not trying to hide it I just need time to think. I'll go to the doctor soon though.