The Things I've Longed To Say.

Chapter 9: Screaming Not To Scream

(Note: This is very scary for me to share because I haven't told anyone about this, until an English poem assignment popped up. I don't know why I want to share it now, but here it is).
I first felt this way not too long ago, in my pre algebra 2 class. I was working on a worksheet of some kind, and the students around me were chatting as always. My head was down, looking at my paper, only looking elsewhere to see how others reacted to this worksheet. They seemed frustrated, and they talked to the people at their tables for reassurance on their answers or how to solve it, teacher walking around the room. I don't think anyone knew. I don't think any knows. But again, they could have possibly caught on. I look at my paper. Black and white is all it is, but I can't seem to decipher the black scribbles all over the white. I close my eyes, feeling tears about to form in my eyes out of frustration and confusion. I pay attention, and I still don't understand. Why don't I understand? I can't ask the teacher, she would think I wasn't paying attention if I asked her a question with an obvious answer that she just explained to us on the board. I put my hands on the sides of my head, pressuring my brain to think harder and harder. But my brain is occupied by something else. It's thinking about what I really want to do in this situation. I want to start crying, to start screaming until my voice reaches the entire world. To flip my desk, every one who shared the table's belongings now sprawled out on the floor. There's a weight on my chest, pressuring me to do it. I realize that I am being a big drama queen, that it's not as bad as I make it out to be. But it still feels like my entire grade depends on it, and I will be called stupid or dumb because I don't understand something so simple. My feelings are ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. Just breathe. Don't break out. People will judge you if you do. They'll laugh. They'll be gossiping about me all day. Well to them, I say save your breath, because you won't get that gossip if it never happens. I hope my English teacher won't read my poem aloud... I'd rather write for close friends and strangers than acquaintances who are so easy to judge you for the stupidest things. Thank you, reader. For listening to my rant.
~Have A Great Day!~