I decided to post this on Wattpad, as a way of helping with my insecurities. I have a lot, so I'm going to list them and explain why I'm so insecure about them. I also will list my flaws. I will not leave anything out of this list, and some of them might have people think lesser of me or think of me differently, but that's a risk I'm willing to take. But after you read this, please don't bring any of these topics up, in the comments section, DMing me, or in real life. It would just hurt me more. So with that, here are my insecurities and flaws:
-Acne: This is probably one of my biggest insecurities. I've gotten better, since I've had it for a few years now and I can't really see it. But when I look at the nastiness on my face, on my chest, on my back, and on my upper arms, I despise it. It looks like I have some kind of disease it's so bad! I went to a dermatologist for it because my mom was afraid of it scarring. The doctor looked at it and said "If I were you, I'd be scared of scarring too." She gave me pills, face washes for day and night, and in and out of shower products to help clear it. And it worked. It doesn't look as bad as it used to. But there is still an abundance of it. And I hate it. But I've learned that it's a trademark of mine. It's a part of who I am. I stopped taking the acne stuff I was given, it was too much for me to handle. And just for that one set of stuff, it cost my mom a lot of money. So I quit. I still get jokes about my acne from my friends, and that doesn't help, but as long as I don't see it, I'll be fine with it.
-Basement: I don't know why, but I'm terrified to go into my basement alone. I always refuse to do laundry, because my washing machine and dryer are in my basement. When I'm with someone though, I feel safe, like nothing bad is going to happen. My family always calls me a wimp for being scared of the basement, and they always treat me like a baby when I ask them to come with me. I'm really scared of being alone in my basement.
-Hygiene: Oh my. It seems that we've reached this part. Well, you want the truth? I'll give you the truth. I don't shower everyday. Mostly, I shower when I feel gross or when someone tells me to, and that's usually after around three to four days. I get lazy, and caught up in school work and relaxation. I never want to get into the shower, but once I'm in, I don't want to come out. It's a weird exchange, but that's what happens. I've been better with my teeth, occasionally missing the night time brushes, but my New Years resolution last year was to improve on brushing my teeth. And I did. I'm now flossing and using mouthwash too. I used to just brush my teeth with water, because I hated toothpaste for some reason. Sometimes, I wouldn't even brush at all. I knew the consequences, but I didn't care, I hated to brush my teeth. When I heard about my dentist appointment coming up in a few days, I would brush my teeth a million times, with an amazing amount of toothpaste, in fear of a cavity, like it would go away from just a few brushes. From me not brushing back then, I have yellow teeth now, another insecurity, but I'm working to improve it. I also don't wash my face. "WELL THATS WHY YOU HAVE ACNE YOU DUMMY!" Is what you must be thinking. I know. But I hate washing my face. I'm too lazy to do it. So I don't. And wait till you hear this, I used to not wash my hands! Ew! My reasoning was that it would strengthen my immune system (and now that I think about it, I wasn't sick that often, so I guess it worked?), but that's no excuse! Good thing I wash my hands now, or else you may have a sample of what happened in my bathroom this morning!
-Dentists: Ah, the place that likes to rip up your self esteem. You go to the Dentists, and may I just say, I have never lied in one place so many times for so many years like I have in this place. "Did you floss?" "Yeah." No I didn't floss, I didn't start flossing until 2016-2017! "Do you have soda regularly?" "No, not really." I have soda every Wednesday, Friday, and every other weekend at my dad's house. (Now it's Wednesday and every other Friday and weekend) "Do you eat fruits and vegetables regularly?" "Yeah." NO! I HATE MOST FRUITS AND VEGETABLES THEY TASTE GROSS! "Do you brush your teeth everyday?" "Sometimes..." Now I swear that is their trigger word, because they will always flip out and say "YOU NEED TO DO IT TWICE A DAY EVERY DAY!!! NOT SOMETIMES!!!" Their tools hurt, and prevent me from eating certain foods for a few hours after I'm done. The dentist's is just the place of insecurities about your teeth, especially when you hear that you have a cavity or more than one.
-Sensitive AND Insensitive?!: I've heard that I'm too much of both. I can worry or feel bad about a tiny little thing, making me too sensitive. But when someone comes to me with a problem they've been having, I've been told that my answers can be a little to insensitive. These traits are terrible ones to have. But I don't know how to fix them. Sorry if I seem to sensitive or insensitive at times, just who I am. But sometimes I think that even if I'm being one of these, you should really consider and think about what I say, because maybe it could be important.
-Height: Everyone thinks it's amazing to be tall, but I'm actually pretty insecure about it. Sure, I like to help people when they need me to get something from a high shelf, because that will help a person, but I really hate the words I hear all the time from people. It always starts out with basketball. Always something like "Do you play basketball?" "Are you in a basketball team?" "I bet you're great at basketball!" "You should play basketball!" NO! I am the worst at basketball. I don't have any skill in it whatsoever. Basketball is my trigger word at this point. Not all tall people play or like basketball. Then of course, there's another thing I've heard quite a few times: "Men usually like girls shorter than them." Uhhh, I thought size didn't matter??? One of my sisters hates that I'm tall, she's always so moody about it. She is the one who usually says "How's the weather up there?" And, it's not even a good joke. You had science in 6th grade, right? You should know this by now!
Okay, so this is a lot longer than I expected, and took some time, so I'm going to be adding a part 2 to this when I have the time, because I have more things to share, but it was nice writing some of my insecurities out. It's kind of soothing in a way. If you made it this far in the chapter, Congratulations! You must be bored from "listening" to me ramble. But thank you. For reading what I have to say.
~Have A Great Day!~
YOU ARE READING
The Things I've Longed To Say.
De TodoTitle describes the story. No more, definitely no less.
