My Girl

Just maybe

I woke up the next morning praying that it was a dream. With every ounce of my being, I wished that was some weird part of my imagination that conjured that up. But deep down i knew it wasn't. Despite my prayers it really happened. I think the worst part is that I don't know if that was me trying to get over Riley and using Cas, or maybe if it me just being an asshole or maybe it wasn't even my fault and I'm overthinking this.  

Realistically, I have to face the facts. Caspar is my best friend, I've just gotten out of a relationship and as much as I don't really want to lose Cas I can not go into another relationship. I think everything happened a bit fast. I fell in love with Riley a bit too quickly but I really did love him and as unfortunate as it is we aren't together anymore. However, I wouldn't take it back. As much as it hurts right now to even think of him or his name or the memories we made or even how adorable he looks when he's sleeping or his overall musk or everything about him. I would not take it back and I can say that confidently because it's a learning experience. I try to look at everything as a learning experience because that means that I don't feel as bad for myself and everything ends up being useful.

After finally finishing my morning deep thinking, I decided that Caspar and I really needed to talk even though it would be quite awkward, the longer we leave it unsaid the worse it will be. So I, as I always do, got dressed and ate breakfast and reluctantly texted Cas and he replied almost instantly saying that he'd be over in five. I almost started freaking out but I calmed myself down. After all, it's not everyday that you have to have a conversation like this with your best friend.

Cas climbs through my window and sits down on the bed next to me. We sit in silence for a minute or two before I finally turn to him.

'' Cas, you know I love you but we can't do this. First of all, I just want to say that I'm sorry that this happened and you know I'm going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment but that's no excuse. I'm sorry.''

''Ell, you really have nothing to be sorry for, I kissed you, and I am super sorry. It was a mistake, simple as that. It won't happen again''

''Oh thank God... I mean not that it wasn't good but we really can't do this. I'm glad we feel the same''

For an hour or so we sat and joked around about it however as we always do, we ended up in the kitchen trying to find snack's. Throwing a cookie at me Caspar asked me what I was planning to do during summer. For a moment I stopped and I realised that soon enough it would be summer break and I still hadn't told Caspar about my plans.

''Well um... Cas you know how I have that rich aunt that owns this house and whatever. Well, I talked to her and she's giving me some money so I can travel this summer. Really see some new places and learn some new things as well as gaining some amazing new experiences. I need to get away from this place and find out who I am and what I want. I want to venture out into this massive world and really push my limits.''

In silence Caspar stared at me his mouth wide open from surprise. ''Bella, you didn't tell me about this. Where are you going, when are you going, where will you stay, who will you be with. I'm not saying this is madness but this is madness. I get that you have the funds but what do you have planned out.''

''Look I know it is but I can't stand knowing that there's so much more than me and this tiny little town and if I have the opportunity to go out and venture then why would I not take it. Think about it this way, I'm going crazy in this place and I need to go out and find out where I feel most at home and best. I'm leaving the day after we break up from school, I leave to go to Italy. I spend three days there before going on a two week cruise around Europe, I then go to China for 5 days, then Australia to Brazil to Costa Rica to Mexico and back here. I'll be gone for a few months you won't even notice that i was gone''

''I won't even wha... Are you crazy? You know what nah I don't.. No. I'll talk to you later.''

Without another word he stormed upstairs and back to his own house. I honestly didn't think he'd be so upset about this. Surely he'd be happy for me. I don't know what his problem is. Screw it I need a nap. I go up to my room to see that Cas' curtains are closed so I close mine too and go to have a nap. I wake up 3 hours later to Caspar shaking me ever so gently.

''I'm sorry I reacted like that Bella. It was just a lot to take in all at once and I am happy for you even though i mightn't seem it, I am. I hope you have an amazing time and send me lots of updates and photos''

He kisses me on the cheek softly and passes through the window once again. I sit up trying to process what has just been said to me. Eventually I process it and decide to go for a walk. I need to get out at least once today. I might go on my own just think a little. Sounds good.

I throw on a jacket and leave, the sun is setting so I go to the park where Cas and I had spent the previous night. I sit on the swings watching the sun go down. Silently, I watch the world pass around me. The people walking by, the cars driving past, the clouds disappearing. Sometimes I like to think of hypothetical scenarios to do with each of the people and imagine what their lives are like.  I like to think about how complex their lives are what their aspirations are, their dreams-just as complex as my own. There's a word for this you know. Sonder- the realisation that each passerby has a life just as vivid and complex as your own. As I sit thinking the night away I finally realise why Caspar was so upset. I think he might have wanted to spend the summer together and know knowing we can't might be a bit of a bummer. 

After a short conversation with my Aunt I texted Caspar to come to the park because I needed to talk to him. Roughly twenty minutes later I see him strolling in. He sits on the swing beside me and asks what I needed to talk to him about.

''Well Caspar you see I figured out why you were so upset about the summer thing earlier. My guess was that you wanted to spend it together and realising that you couldn't was probably just a bit of a shock.''

''Yeah, I guess so.''

''Well my dear, I have the perfect solution for both of us.''

He nods

''You should come traveling with me, I know it sounds absolutely mad but it would be so much fun! So what do you say''

''Bella that sounds like a great idea apart from the fact that I currently have $20.60 in my bank account''

''Yes but, lucky for you I called my aunt and she told me that she has absolutely no problem with you coming with me and she will pay for everything for both of us. So now it's just up to two things. Number one- do you want to go? and number two- will your parents let you?''

''Oh my goodness Ell that's amazing but I couldn't possibly accept. You know I would absolutely love to but I really can't.''

''Oh please Cas, we'd have such an amazing time I promise and she said it really is no problem. She'll pay for the travel, accommodation and food- everything! Please Caspar I really want to do this and you've done so much for me. Please?''

''I mean. Okay, fine. If my parents say yes we can go on this wild adventure. Thank you Belle, this really means a lot to me too.''

A sense of Deja-vu hit me as we once again travelled home with our fingers loosely interlocked but this time it was his house we stopped at. The lights were on so we walked in knowing that his parents were still up. He decided to ask them straight away so that he didn't get his hopes up just for them to be crushed. I waited in his living room speaking to his little brother. We were't there for long maybe twenty minutes before Caspar came back down. He came down expressionless as if he had gotten a no but his attempt to trick me was unsuccessful because I could see a glimmer of excitement in his eyes. He nodded his head and I almost screamed in happiness and we hugged. I then left his house and went home, showered and went to bed.

I really can't wait for summer now!

A/N; so that was the 12th chapter of this story. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who read this story. It truly means more to me than most of you will ever know, we are so so close to 500 reads which is insane and its all thanks to you guys. So once again thank you! Be sure to comment or message me if you have anything to say about the story it all means so much! xo