STARVED

Four👙👗👠

Shopping is extremely hard when you hate your body more than anything else in the world. You feel worthless and fat and ugly when something doesn't fit the way you want. No one ever looks as good as the model in the clothes. If I did I wouldn't have had to skip breakfast this morning.
Rachel hands me possible dresses for me to wear. One strapless black one short as can be, A Lacey yellow one with long sleeves that goes down to the knees,and a red one with long sleeves and a short skirt. I step into the dressing room with all three dress selections. First I try the black one...black is slimming but my arms look fat because there are no sleeves shielding them from the world. I'm definitely not wearing that,I can't have everyone looking at my disgusting ginormous fatty arms. I take it off and examine my gross body in the fluorescent lighting. I look slightly yellow and I can barley see my ribs anymore. I shut my eyes tight and try on the yellow lace dress. It looks decent it's a little baggy but that's good,no one will know how grotesque I look under this dress. I turn around and examine the dress from the back. It looks pretty good,I'm surprised. I take it off and go to look for the tag. "What size did Rachel think I am?" I whisper to myself I find the tag and read in shock a double zero.
A 00? How is this even possible I'm too fat to be a double zero! This has to be incorrectly sized,there's no way in hell my fat ass could wear a double zero and still have it be baggy on me! I try on the red dress also a double zero. It fits beautifully,I feel remarkable in it until I look down at my fat sausage like legs. I start to panic and I can't breathe. I have to leave now. I put on my clothes and storm out of the dressing room.
Rachel looks confused "So how did they fit?" Her eyebrows raise at me and I ignore her and jog past. I run out of the store,my body feels weak but I keep running. I won't stop,I can't stop until I get home. Finally I open the door to my house and walk in. Relieved I walk into the kitchen out of breath,panting I reach in the cabinet and pull out a Starbucks cup. I fill my cup with ice and cold water,then I start to smell grease...I recognize the smell of chicken nuggets and french fries. Chicken nuggets and fries have always been my top binge food. I start to feel like caving in,giving into the greasy temptations of fast food. I know I'll hate myself after this but I don't care in the moment. I have a nugget,then two,the three,four,twelve,and then twenty!
I just ate twenty chicken nuggets.
I can't stop eating now,I go for the soft salty fries and shove 8 in my mouth at a time. Soon the whole large fry my mom bought is gone. I smell the burgers in the bottom of the bag I eat both of them all by myself. I can't eat anymore I'm stuffed. Now i make my way to the bathroom.