Tug of War.

The after math

My head throbbed and my body sizzled, like I had pins and needles the entire time I was away from him.

I lay still, like a dead creature on my bed. The covers were everywhere, pillows on the floor, tissues all over the floor. I was drained of all my life. I was head over heals for Kent. But he throws the words "I love you" around like his stupid football. I don't why I thought he really did, you know love me. I mean, god. I was so stupid.

My phone vibrated almost on regular intervals. It was Kent of course. I was so tempted to pick up, to hear his voice and to just shove all the pain to the back of my head. That was the easy way out.

Then all together, all at once the phone just stopped. I was left in my own silence. But I missed the sound of the phone vibrating against the wooden floor. It gave me comfort, because I knew he was thinking about me. But he'd given up.

The phone began to vibrate again, I picked it up without a second thought and brought it to my ear.

I stayed silent at the phone, my breath heavy.

"Jewels?" said a familiar voice at the other end.

"Cole?" I whispered before erupting into tears.

"Jewels, hey? Jewels are you okay? are you alright Jewels?" he panicked on the other end.

"oh god" I managed to breath out to try and stop his panic, I was also so embarrassed. I barely ever cried.

"Jewels I'm coming over" he said and waited for a response.

I nodded, knowing he couldn't see my but he would understand, I knew he was coming. I droped the phone on the ground.

I stared blankly at the cieling, tears now flowing freely from my eyes. Soon I lost myself and slipped into a deep, depressed sleep.

When I opened my eyes again the world was a blur, I was still in the position I was when I fell asleep. I softly clicked my mouth because my mouth was desert dry.

When I regained my vision I saw him.

My brain relaxed and then went on to protection mode. It was Kent, not Cole. I felt almost betrayed.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I snapped

He looked at me with his red glossy eyes, he'd been crying too, or he had gotten high. He brought his soft touch upon my face and slowly, gently rubbed down my face.

"What the the hell are you doing here?" I repeatded sharply and louder.

he pulled his fingers away and brought his slumped body to a stand.

"I'm here to clean up the mess I made."

he said solemnly.

I wanted nothing more than to throw him out of the window and be done with him. But his voice had me hooked. Instead of replying, I just curled up into the foetus position, my back turned to him so he couldn't see my red face.

" Jewely, I am, so sorry that I hurt you. I am so sorry for confusing you, I am so, so sorry for being an ass. You and me Jewels, We fit, I can feel it. I'm sorry you saw what you saw. I'm sorry you thought we were official. I'm sorry that we didn't talk about it I'm sorry.."

Kent kept talking, and for a while I was listening to his sorry's, but soon I zoned out, I entered the world of oppressing guilt. I started to think of all the things I had done to Kent. I had no right to be this upset about him, I was the one making out to the guy I met like 2 minutes ago ( Cole).  I was too wreaked with guilt.

I turned around and brought my body upright to meet with his, he was looking at the floor shaking his head sincerely as he said every sorry.

I put my fingers on his chin at which point he stopped and the room was silent.

He made me want to cry, and love him, and hug him,  and kill him all at the same time. But I was in too deep.

Our red, wet eyes met and said all the Sorry's that needed to be said. Him and I had a way of understanding, we were electric. But I knew what I was doing.

I was going to do the usual thing that I would do, lean in, kiss him. But I had wised up.

I stood up weakly and gestured him to stand up as well, he looked so broken. I leant in for a hug, and I had never felt all my negative emotion ever evaporate like that. I suddenly was able to control my eyes and their raging tears, and I was able to speak my mind which was going mental.

"I think I need some space Kent. I know that is the most corny thing you've heard, like ever, and trust me I'm not trying to shut you down." I paused to capture his emotion.

He was blank but u could tell he need to know more.

" I've got some things to figure out, about us, about me and I think I need the summer to do it okay? " I said firmly, I wasn't going to let him change my mind.

He nodded..

" When you are ready. " he said and began to walk away.

"Kent, wait... I need you to know that I'm making it clear now, while I think about us, you can do what you want, literally, okay? Kiss, hook up, dump, I don't know and I don't care. I want you to not be held back this." I said comfortingly.

"When you are ready " he repeated and pulled a small, pained smile.

I watched him go down the stairs and waited for the door to slam before I felt up lifted.

But i had a plan, I was not just going to go on a boy strike. I was going to see how things were going to go with Cole , and I had the whole summer to do it.