Fight With Fire

26

I sit across the room from Finn squirming in uncomfortable silence. His gaze hasn't moved from me while I've looked anywhere but at him. I knew this was his room because I watched him walk into it after our more recent encounter in the stairwell. When he saw me outside of his door late last night/early this morning, he immediately reached for me. He took me in his arms and carried me into his room. His touch immediately draining me of my Aerdell and Drell and taking all the numbness away. I don't know what my Aerdell is but my Drell must make it very hard for me to move. That's why John gave me the award, he was impressed because he knows my Drell should leave me immobile and yet I was walking around. Finn had been saving me for years and I had never noticed. His words echo in my head: Are you really that blind? After all these years he thought he meant nothing to me when I needed him more than anything else.

After the numbness subsided I was left with the pain from rolling down the stairs. Luckily Finn's roommate Rory is a Healer so he easily reset my broken bones, closed all my cuts, and healed my bruises. Then he left the room with me and Finn sitting in chairs on opposite sides of the room.

"Ella, what happened?" I stay silent not knowing how to answer. "You've been... gone for the past few days and then you just show up outside my room on the brink of death!"

"I wasn't on the brink of de-"

"I don't really care about specifics right now because I am worried about you!" He throws his hands up in exasperation and looks to me for an explanation.

"I fell down the stairs." I say quietly testing my voice after remaining silent for days.

"I don't believe you." He says this simply with the same expression on his face. I just shrug. "You mean to tell me that Ella, the girl that scales the side of a building almost daily, was defeated by a set of stairs?"

"I was running." I meet his gaze to see his beautiful green eyes dancing. "I was coming here and went too quickly and fell down the stairs."

"You fell down the stairs." Finn says this like he still can't believe his own words. "Where have you been for the past few days? Why were you rushing to get here?"

"Well a few days-" My breath catches and my eyes fill with tears. "I don't know where to start." I admit honestly breathing through a now sore throat. Finn seems still suspicious but he gets up walk towards me. He picks me up bridal style, spins around, and sits down on my chair with me on his lap all before I can open my mouth to protest. He looks down at me sincerely with his beautiful green eyes. His eyes are even more beautiful now that I can see all the little details. They are a rich light green with small dots like freckles of darker green. His dirty blond hair falls forward onto his forehead.

I blink and a small tear escapes, a lonely traveler swimming down my cheek. Finn reaches forward and brushes the tear away with his thumb smiling sadly at me. Then he pushes his forehead against mine closing his eyes so I can see his long dark lashes brush his cheek.

"Please Ella." Finn whispers gently. "It hurts to see you like this. Please tell me what's wrong."

"Do you remember that little boy Charlie, the Phiar from a while back?" I'm glad to whisper because he can't hear my voice crack. Finn nods while rubbing a small, reassuring circle on my cheek with his thumb. "I've been having nightmares and they wake me up before the sun rises. One day I heard something and went down to the theater and there he was. He makes these sounds with these machines together than are so beautiful to listen to. Music. That's his Aerdell. I spent every morning with him. He taught me about our history. There is so much we are missing out on." I smile fondly at the memory and Finn matches my expression.

"But he struggled. The council would think his Aerdell useless but he realized that he didn't want to change for them. He made something beautiful and he didn't want anyone to ruin it." I burst into sobs burying my head in Finn's shoulder. He rocks me in his arms and runs his hand through my hair comfortingly. He shushes me quietly and waits for me to calm down enough to continue. I turn away so I'm lying against his chest. "He killed himself."

If Finn is surprised by this statement he doesn't show it. He continues stroking my hair and rocking me in his arms. "I don't know how to make it better Ella." He leans down and gently kisses my forehead. "This was Charlie's decision. From what you said I think you understand that. He couldn't do anything here but maybe you can. It sounds like he showed you a lot and you should be grateful. I'm not saying you should forget he died. I'm saying you should remember he lived." He brushes a few strands of hair out of my face and tucks them behind my hair. "Wow, you look horrible."

"Hey!" I sit up a little and punch him hard in the shoulder. "Rude." I said pointing at him with a mock stern face. Finn looks at my finger and goes to bite it. I shriek and pull my finger out of his reach.

"There's that beautiful smile." Finn teases poking my dimples. "All I'm saying is you should get some sleep."

"Okay." I reply yawning. "Can I stay here?"

"Of course." Finn smiles letting me readjust in his lap. "Remember I am always here for you."

I just nod and curl up in his lap putting my head on his shoulder. His arms wrap around me like they did in the stairwell and now I don't feel trapped. I feel completely safe. This is a feeling that I have never gone to sleep with. I hear one quiet whisper when Finn thinks I'm asleep. It is soft and comforting and is this last thing I hear before drifting off into a sleep that no nightmare can interrupt.

"I love you."