Fight With Fire

28

"Okay, now that I have you all sitting, I want everyone to stand up." At first no one moved. I raise my eyebrows and motion with my hands for everyone to stand up.

"You haven't been here for the past few weeks and then you come back and expect us all to follow? You are not in charge here." Olivia says throwing her hands up to gesture to the circle. Other people sitting on the rocks nod their heads in agreement.

"You've never questioned her before." Finn stands up on a rock and looks over the crowd. "Why start now?" No one says anything as they start to get up and follow Finn out of the clearing.

"Seriously guys?" Olivia pleads with everyone who ignores her and walks by. She huffs and walks in the opposite direction toward the forest. Once she started walking away she didn't seem angry anymore, just distracted. She seemed to have a destination in mind and I wondered where that was. She has been edge all year and I wish knew what was wrong.

"Hey, are you coming?" I spin around to see Adrian standing at the edge of the clearing waiting. He hasn't been coming to meetings but I asked him to come tonight.

"I've got something I need to do but you go ahead." I say walked over to our year's rock which is on the edge of the clearing where Olivia stormed off.

"I can wait with you." Adrian starts walking towards me but I hold up hand to stop him.

"No. I need to do this on my own." I say walking away leaving Adrian confused. I walk over to our rock looking at all the iaes that were carved into the rock. Every year, the elites in their last year add a rock to the circle and carve an iae for every person. They are carved as big as they appear on the skin. If a group has multiple people in the same Aerdell category than you pick the person with the largest iae to represent you. Our year has the biggest variety of any year. We also have the biggest iae because Finn's is a little more than half a meter in diameter. We needed a very big rock to fit them all and it took a while to carve all the iaes but we didn't care. We have one for Oari and ones from every Aerdell category. Every category except Phiar. None of the years have them because they aren't considered worthy of the elite status.

I lean down and carve in the iae that I have become so familiar with. The circle just the size of my palm with three diagonal lines faded away. This is my goodbye for Charlie. I have spent the last few weeks coming to terms with what Charlie did and I have decided to focus on what he showed me. That is why I sent all the elites to the library. After everything it seems wrong not to carve his iae in the rock.

"I can't do this anymore!" I hear Olivia scream and immediately sprint into the forest toward her voice. I pause when I hear a second voice respond from the other side of a large tree.

"Please Olivia, you just don't understand." Gwen's voice sends a shiver up my spine. I realize now that I have never seen Gwen when Adrian isn't around except when I ran into her on our floor.

"What is there for me to understand Gwen?" Olivia speaks more quietly and I have to strain to hear her. I walk around the tree and watch them through the bushes. Olivia steps forward and puts hand on Gwen's cheek forcing Gwen to look at Olivia. I notice that Olivia's face is stained with tear tracks. "I love you." Olivia whispers but it sounds like a scream in my head. The words bounce around in my head refusing to absorb. Olivia closes the gap between them and kisses Gwen. It is clear that this is not the first time they've kissed. They separate and put their foreheads together. "And I want everyone to know it." Olivia smiles but Gwen closes her eyes and takes a breath, her face expressionless.

"No." Gwen's voice is shaky but firm. "I-" Gwen stutters but Olivia interrupts her.

"I know you can't say it back yet but I don't care. I can wait." Olivia smiles reassuringly at Gwen. Olivia takes a step forward and Gwen takes a step back.

"I'll never say it back." Gwen says this like it hurts her to say just as much as it hurts Olivia to hear. Olivia's smile vanishes and more tears stream down her cheeks. "I'm with Adrian."

"So?" Olivia spits the words at Gwen and she flinches but doesn't respond. "Tell me you love him."

"What?" Gwen looks up in surprise stumbling over the words.

"You heard me." Olivia steps forward and clenches her jaw. She would look intimidating but her cheeks are still covered in tears. "Look me in the eye and tell me you love him and I'll leave you alone. I'll forget everything we've been through for the past two years and I'll try to forget you. Just a few words and you'll be free of this." They are silent for a few moments and I don't think she's going to say it.

"I-" Gwen clears her throat. She looks Olivia dead in the eye. "I love him."

Olivia breaks down but Gwen remains emotionless. Olivia turns and runs off into the forest sobbing. When she's out of sight Gwen falls to her knees and drops her head in her hands. She shakes in silent tears. She seems so ruined that I want to go help her. I want to tell her everything is okay and wrap her in my arms to keep her warm. But I know that she in not shivering from the cold. She feels alone and no one can save her from that dark place but her. That is something I've learned from all this. Unable to watch any longer, I start running back to meet everyone in the library. They are probably waiting for me.

Everything I just witnessed is on replay in my mind. There was so much pain and emotion in their voices and I can only imagine what they were feeling. I was very confused at first because Adrian had told me Gwen's greatest desire. She had wanted him but if that was true than why was that conversation so hard for her?

Now as I'm running through the building it clicks into place. In current times it is very hard to be anything other than straight. The council sees it as stupid to have two girl or two boys living together. There are same sex couples but everyone is forced by the council to pair with someone of the opposite sex as everyone is expected to have a child. This can complicate relationships for same sex couples. Gwen probably doesn't want to have to go through all that with Olivia when she is happy enough with Adrian.

As for her desire, Adrian said that Gwen wanted him. They are together so why would she want him if she already has him? Now knowing what I do, I understand. She wants to want him. On some level I'm sure she does love him but she also loves Olivia and she knows it would be easier if she just wanted Adrian.

Adrian was wrong when he said mine was the only desire he didn't fully understand.