Writings to the Moon

Art of my Soul

Every beginning is a blank canvas,
A pure, untainted white.
Our beginning was my favorite canvas.
Our story laid out so many colors.
Tones of
Joy,
Curiosity,
Deceit.
I was a blank canvas,
Void and unfeeling,
Until you filled me with color.

Yellow
The color of curiosity
When I first met you,
It was dabs of a gentle yellow.
You were like nothing else I had seen,
So I occupied my empty white with this yellow.
Right in the center,
That's where I'll put my curious yellow.
A shining sun in my empty white.

Orange
The color of energy.
As we spoke more you sparked an energy I had never felt.
I wanted to go out,
To feel, to experience.
So from my yellow blossomed orange,
And my canvas became more full of you.

Red
The color of anger.
The color that ignited in my soul,
When I saw you standing beside that someone.
Was I wrong to think I meant something to you?
But it was a misunderstanding.
You swore to me,
So I had no choice but to believe.
Perhaps I was foolish then,
But I can't change that.
So now, hesitantly,
I paint the undertones of red that I tried so hard to hide.

With these three colors alone you created my sun,
The center around which I revolved
Too busy at that time to see the rest of the landscape that laid itself out.

Blue
Next is blue, the color of calm.
For quite a while, our time together was calm, peaceful.
It surrounded you, my sun,
And me with it.
Until we were sinking into the cool blue.
And I realized all too late that within this ocean that I had found solace,
The deep blue was always close to drowning me.
So now I peacefully fill the upper half of the canvas with a watery blue,
Remembering the beauty and terror I found within it.

Green
The color of life.
The vibrant blades of green I paint under the blue now remind me of the life I found with you.
You filled my empty heart,
And gave my life meaning, purpose.
You gave me a goal and aspirations and I can't thank you enough.
But you were the vibrant green of grassy summer fields,
And when the cold came,
You frosted and withered away.

Purple
The color of spirit.
I still recall when the dark, ominous purple began to smother our beautiful blue.
I paint it now over the remnants of white at the very top of the canvas,
Blending it gently into the blue,
But really it was quite different.
The purple didn't blend in beautifully,
But smothered and disrupted the peace.
The purple that choked my spirit,
But at the same time opened my eyes to the reality of it all.
The darkness was creeping in, and you were falling away from me.

Brown
The color of deceit.
The landscape has been laid out,
Only small details remain to be filled in.
Drawing from memory,
I recall the seeds of darkness that had been planted.
They took root and grew quickly,
Growing into gnarled trees of deceit that shadowed the sun and blocked my view of our pleasant past.
Trapped in this grove of darkness I knew this couldn't go on, even if it meant shoving through the thorny present, to a hopefully better future.

White
The color of void.
It seemed that after finding my joy,
My purpose,
           My inspiration,
It was time to escape it all.
Finally I paint white, fluffy clouds,
They cover patches of my watery blue sky, and even you, my sun.
Because now that I have escaped you,
The void covers even where you once resided within me.
It's a bit empty now, I miss the joy of seeing you,
It's painful to remember that it was all a facade, and I was fooled all along.
Now I am almost able to find comfort in the emptiness where I don't have to care.

I step back and study the painting that has come together before me.
These are my thoughts.
The silent whisper filled me,
And I found comfort in this truth.
That my painful thoughts could be expressed so elegantly in this landscape.
Just an hour or so ago this was a totally blank canvas, and now I have filled it with my thoughts and feelings,
And this picture is alive with a story waiting to be told.
And this canvas...
Although once a pure white, it is now stained with these colors and with my feelings,
Just like me I suppose.
Although you came with good and bad,
No matter what I do the colors you gave me will forever be a mural within my soul.
I can either let them break me down,
Or I can find strength in the art of my soul.