In The Distance, Over Bridges- Evril

In The Dark (Part 1)

Avril

Ooh, Ooh, Ooh, Ooh
Ooh, Ooh, Ooh, Ooh
There are monsters underneath my bed, got me up at night scared to death

What had I done? I loved him so much, I hate to think- no, know- that he hates me. Why does he hate me? After he yelled at me I ran off to my room, where Jesse was waiting for me.
"Hey, babe. How 'bout you and me get back on track, eh?" What the hell? He doesn't even notice I'm crying. He's not the one for me, I don't even know why I let him pressure me into doing something I just wasn't ready for. And he knows that.
"Jesse, this isn't gonna work. I told you when we broke up. Go. Leave me alone."
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I'm saying that what happened was a one-time thing. I don't wanna do that anymore." Before he had a chance to speak he began kissing me.
"Hey- what the? Get off of me!" I pushed him away and bolted out the door. I ran through the halls making tons of twists and turns along the way.
I finally settled at a wall right near the basement. After about ten minutes of crying and no sign of Jesse I stood I and wiped my tears away. While walking back I stopped by Evan's door. Realizing I had no where to go, considering my room was also Jesse's, I gave it a knock.
"Yeah, who is it?" He asked from inside.
"Avril. I know you hate me and everything but I don't-"
The door opened. He stared down on me.
"How could you think that I hate you?"
"-have a place to stay tonight."

I hear them scream in my dreams

The thought still bothered me. Why did he lash out at me, though, if he says he doesn't hate me. I know I did something wrong, something to anger him; Evan doesn't get angry easily. In fact, that was the first time I've ever seen him mad.
Evan let me sleep on the bed while he slept on the couch, even though neither of us slept at all that night. I just lied there, thinking. I watched as the room darkened to almost a pitch black and back up to light-filled. I turned my head to look at Evan who was just sitting straight up on the couch with his headphones on, probably doing the same as I.

Ooh, Ooh, Ooh, Ooh
Ooh, Ooh, Ooh, Ooh
There are skeletons living in my head
Locked in closets, never opened
'Till you held me
How you held me

The next day I stayed almost completely silent, only saying one or two words throughout the day. At about 5pm we were driving to the next city and Evan and I shared my bus. Usually with Evan I'd go back to normal if I was in a funk, but I staues the same as I was earlier. So far the only thing I said to him was "okay" in response to his proposal to share a bus. I didn't even look out the window. I didn't think. I didn't speak. I  didn't look up. I just spaced out in a mindless daze as if I was dead. I barely noticed the sounds around me.
"Av? Av? Avril?" The sudden call of my name pulled me back into the world.
"Y-yeah?"
"What's going on?"
"It's just something happened with Jesse yesterday..."
"What happened?"
"Nothing. Just forget I said anything. I'm just overreacting."
"Avril, I'm really concerned now. If it's really bothering you I want you to tell me."
"I'm overreacting. It wasn't Jesse's fault. It was mine I, I don't think he would want me to tell you anyway."
Evan moved next to me and put his arm around my shoulders, giving me a small hug.
"It's okay. You can tell me."
"I did something with Jesse in California that I kinda regret," I began. Evan's grip on my arm grew tighter, but just a little bit. "...and when I told him I didn't want to do it again he tried to convince me even though I told him no and then he kissed me. I pushed him off and left."
He stayed silent. I put my head down. I knew he would think it was stupid. But, to my surprise, he hugged me. I buried my face in his shoulder and began to cry. I don't know why. Part of it was because I didn't get to enough already, part of it was relief that Evan was there for me.

Ooh, Ooh, Ooh, Ooh
Ooh, Ooh, Ooh, Ooh
I've done it this time
Lost my mind