Scattered Sanity (Sanvers)

Ruined.

Alex believed Maggie. She believed in their chemistry, in their relationship, and in their love. Although her memories remained vacant, Maggie was filling in the holes, creating compassion in the empty space. The sections that the brunette had once occupied were substituted for her stories, and Alex knew that she had found her missing puzzle piece. She had learned the truth of her past, the information that she had so desperately craved. She should have been happy, or relieved at the very least.

But Alex wasn't happy. In fact, she was far from even being okay.

She had acquired a new trait, which was a tendency to be startled very easily. She flinched at the slightest movement, her muscles were constantly tensed, and her toughness wavered precariously. It was almost as if Alex was just now experiencing the effects of her trauma with Ashton. She had been so focused on seeking out her forgotten past that she barely had time to acknowledge what had occurred, but now that her search was over, her mind was susceptible to her lingering fears. She even jumped whenever Kara addressed her, which worried the younger sister.

The nightmares were the worst. Alex frequently saw Rick looming over her, a cruel smile playing on his lips. She'd pour all of her effort into struggling against the constricting ropes on her wrists, but when she tried to shout for help, she found that no sound erupted from her throat. It was as if her vocal chords had simply been removed. Her thrashing always proved to be utterly worthless. However, she would continue to wildly flail her limbs until was violently expelled from the nightmare, flying up into a sitting position, her heart racing and body drenched in sweat. Alex would gasp for air, whipping her head left and right to ensure that she was safe. Her clothes were uncomfortably stuck to her, and she felt like she was being pressed in on all sides. She usually couldn't sleep for the rest of the night, because everytime she closed her eyes, she kept seeing him.

But there were even worse nightmares. A notable addition to the plethora of horrifying acts was seeing Rick standing over her, a knife in hand. He would thrust the knife into various places on Alex's body, and streams of blood emerged to stain her flesh. Now with a voice, she would shriek in pain, each stab reminding her of the ones she endured while she was abducted. And when she felt like she might pass out from blood loss, Rick plunged his blade through her chest, ejecting her from the nightmare. Alex would scrabble at her chest, feeling for the hilt of a knife that was never protruding through her skin. Different variations of this particular terror brought about more intense pain and grief. Sometimes Ashton was there to lend a hand in hacking away at Alex's already disfigured frame.

The version that wreaked the most havoc on her emotions involved Maggie. She was at the warehouse, her wrists secured tightly above her head. Then, Rick came into view, dragging Maggie by the arm, and Maggie appeared to be subdued, indicated by her lack of struggling. Rick jerked Maggie up by the hair to look at Alex, and the brunette's face was damp with tears.

"This is the woman who loves you, Alex." Rick snarled. "And you cast her aside like she was nothing. You made her suffer. You broke her."

"No, I didn't!" Alex cried. "It's your fault that I don't remember her!"

Rick sneered. "Don't turn the blame on me. This only happened because you were so damn stupid that you couldn't recognize your own girlfriend."

"I don't want to hurt her! I never wanted to hurt her!" Alex insisted.

Rick went quiet, pondering something. After a few seconds, his lips curled up in a sadistic grin. "You may not want to hurt her, Alex, but I do." With that, he grabbed Maggie by the neck, throttling her aggressively. Maggie's eyes bugged out, and her fingers pried at Rick's hand, but he was too strong, so she was gradually lifted from the ground, still struggling.

"No!" Alex screamed, trying to throw herself forward to save Maggie.

A cackle burst from Rick's mouth as he strangled the other woman. The brunette was in desperate need of air, evident in the blue tinge to her features. Her movements started to become sluggish, until she was just barely twitching, but before she could fall unconscious, Rick released her. Maggie collapsed on all fours, coughing and heaving gasps of air to fill her empty lungs.

Alex stopped thrashing, craning her neck to make sure that Maggie was okay.

Suddenly, Rick's voice emerged from being Maggie. "Long live forgotten love." He muttered eerily.

Alex didn't see the knife in his hand until he had buried it in the other woman, and Maggie let out a shriek before crumpling. Blood poured from the gash in her side, spreading over the concrete floor. Screeches of pain ripped from Maggie's vocal chords while she tried in vain to stem the flow of crimson with her hands. But, as the blood spilled, she began to pale, the life seeping out of her.

Weakly, she turned her head to gaze at Alex, who was sobbing. "Alex..." Maggie groaned, blood trickling from her mouth. One arm shakily reached out, only to fall into the pool of crimson, and Maggie went limp, her brown eyes glazed over.

"Maggie!" Alex yelled repeatedly. "Maggie, I'm sorry!" And she bolted upwards in bed, her body wracked with sobs.

Everyone had told Alex that she looked better, and that she was doing better. The redhead had believed these claims in an attempt to convince herself that she was indeed recovering, but once Ashton betrayed her, she could no longer hide from her scattered sanity. It tormented her throughout the day and into the night, effectively causing her a great deal of misery. She wanted everything to go away, so that maybe she could truly be happy, instead of maintaining her facade. She wanted to vanish.

One day, Alex remembered that there was a way to disappear forever. With each passing day, that option was more and more tempting.

At one o'clock in the morning, Alex lay wide awake in bed. As soundlessly as possible, she slid off the mattress, opening her dresser drawer and picking up three folded pieces of lined paper. She placed them on the kitchen table, checking to see that the names Kara, J'onn, and Maggie were visible on each one. She tugged on a jacket, then left the apartment, softly climbing the stairs to the roof.

A chilling breeze hit Alex when she stepped outside on the rooftop. She walked to the edge of the building and carefully sat down, her legs dangling, hovering over the city below. She observed the silence, watching the occasional car drive on the road beneath her, and she looked at the night sky. A sad smile came to Alex's face, and tears found their way to the surface. She remembered the bright moments she had shared with her loved ones. She remembered when she walked again for the first time, the meals and silly jokes she shared with Kara, and the stories she had heard from Maggie. All of that was going to draw to a close, forever.

The redhead took her time standing up, exhaling in resolve. "Goodbye." Alex Danvers whispered as she let herself fall.

A strong hand grasped her wrist, yanking her back from the edge, away from the brink of death. Alex whipped around to see who had found her, and she was faced with none other than Maggie Sawyer.