grinch | renjun.

二十

+ ahn tae seol

it was already christmas break and everyone is very excited and happy to celebrate christmas, including me! but excluding renjun.

i think it time to ask him why he hates christmas?

"renjun-ah"

"yes?"

he said as he sat down beside me. he just finished painting something.

"wow can i see your painting?"

"no"

"aww why?"

"i'll let you see later"

i nodded and gulped cause i dont know how to ask him.

"so uhm.."

there was silence wrapping around us and there was just a lump on my throat.

"what? just say it"

"dont be mad at me but i was just wondering, why do you hate christmas?"

"..."

and once again silence took over.

"nevermind, im sorry if i asked"

"no, its okay. you told me your story and i think its time for you to know mine"

"..."

"forgive me if im gonna cry or something, okay?"

i was confused for a moment then i just nodded my head since he was waiting for my answer.

"i dont really despise christmas. its just that there happened to be an accident before.. during christmas"

i kept quiet since i dont think its the right time to talk.

"first of all, i- im adopted."

"i never had any friends when i was a child. then one day, a family of three, mother, father and.. h-hyung.. came.."

he sighed as he looked up. trying to hold back his tears, i guess.

"when they adopted me, i never felt happiness like that. i was- no, i am very thankful that they took me in.."

"they treated me like their own son. my h-hyung treated me like a real brother too"

he smiled, reminiscing his memories. but i didnt notice the usual sparks every time he smiles.

"i really loved christmas back then since my family would always give us presents and we would spend the night watching movies or just hanging out with each other.."

"until one day, which was 3 years ago.. it would be exactly 3 years ago this christmas,"

he lowered his head and i noticed that he was already crying..

i hate seeing him like this, it hurts..

i patted his back as he sobbed quietly.

he sighed then continued talking again.

"so, my family was celebrating christmas that time in a park. my brother had classes that time and after he finished his class, he directly went to us and.."

"before he went to the park, i called him and said 'hyung, come fast! i'll be waiting for you!' yes, i still remember it."

"then,"

he stopped midway and i think he cant contain his feelings and let it all out.

"shush, shush, its gonna be okay, renjun.."

i hugged him and patted his back then he quietly sobbed again.

"he drove so fast that.."

he gulped as he looked up.

"t-that he got into an accident.."

then once again he cried. i dont really mind if he keeps on crying. i know how he feels.

i hugged him very tight and i patted his hair as he sobbed again.

"renjun, its okay, it wasnt your fault.."

"yes, it was! i was the one who told him to go fast.. i- i was the one who killed him..."

"renjun, dont say that.."

"i thought he could survive, but he didnt.."

"i even asked for santa that all i want for christmas is for my brother to be alive.."

"but he didnt survive. i cried and cried that day that i dont know what to do.."

"i really cared for my brother since he really treated me like his real brother when we were young.."

"i really love hyung since he was the one who was always there for me in times of trouble, sorrow, pain and happiness. he was there.."

"and it hurts so much to know that the person you treasure the most is gone.. permanently.."

i let him cry again and i think i already know what to do.

yes, i hugged him again cause everyone needs a hug, right?

im really thankful that he trusted me and told me everything.

"i ran away from home since i really cannot handle the pain. our house reminded me of him, everything!"

"then i reached here, i saw mrs yoon and he took me in thats why im also very thankful for her.."

he covered his face with his hands and he quietly sobbed there.

i think he's hiding his pain. aish.

"come here.."

i pulled him and hugged him tight as he cried on my shoulders.

seeing him like this makes me cry a little too.

i've never seen him like this maybe thats why it hurts..

i can also relate to him though, except, there was no one for him before. me, i had my brother.

"renjun, it is not your fault.."

"i know its my fault, stop lying to me.."

"renjun, please listen to me once.."

"..."

"it really isnt your fault. it was no one's fault. he wanted to see you guys eagerly and maybe he wasnt careful thats why he got into an accident, plus, the road is slippery since its winter.."

"..."

i hugged him and i laid my head on his shoulder.

"please renjun, stop blaming yourself"

+ is it lacking?
+ late publishhh~