Jealousy || T.Holland ✓

3

Every time Harrison and I snuck around, I couldn't help but think it was because Tom still had feelings for me.

I know I hurt him, but if he's still hurt then doesn't that mean he still cares?

It's stupid of me to have these hopes of us being together again. It's like me dreaming about dating my idol, even though he's married with children and is way out of my league.

But, what gets my hopes up is the fact that I had him and I'm the only reason we aren't together.

On their one year anniversary, Tom posted a video on instagram of him giving her this collage of maps that showed where they first met, kissed, had their first date, became official, and where they first said I love you's.

It hurt me a lot, because I always told him I wanted that and here he was, handing it to someone else.

What also hurt was the fact that their first kiss was the night we broke up.

Their first date was just a week after we broke up and their first I love you's were on, what was suppose to be, our one year anniversary.

It was also on their one year anniversary that Harrison told me that Zendaya was Tom's temporary fix.

Tom wouldn't do that, especially not to Zendaya.

It also wasn't a temporary fix if it's been a year, but Harrison said that there would be moments when Tom just wouldn't speak to anyone, not even Z. He'd say it was because he was stressed or tired, but his best friend knew the truth.

Apparently he had caught him several time, after drinking too much, in his hotel room, crying.

Isn't it crazy how alike we are?

We both got drunk and cried to Harrison about our problems and exposed our worst secrets.

I suppose that if Harrison could tell me all of this, he could easily tell Tom about what I had said.

"I promised you I wouldn't tell anyone and I didn't." Harrison would always assure me that he kept his promise and only told me about Tom, because he hadn't made the promise to him.

I trusted Harrison with everything I had and it scared me.

There was no sexual tension or desire between us -which I was happy about, because I just needed a friend.

Harrison was right though, Tom still cared.

I first knew this when I got into a car accident and he flew all the way from London to California to see if I was okay.

We didn't speak though. I was asleep when he came, but his words floated around in my mind.

"Don't scare me like that again," he sounded so broken and scared. I understood why, because when I did wake up, I saw myself in the mirror and hardly could recognize myself. I was covered in bruises and cuts and it was not a pretty sight.

Tom left L.A. the moment he found out I was awake. He didn't want to confront me and it upset me. Why would he fly all the out here to not talk to me?