Jealousy || T.Holland ✓

6

"I'm breaking up with Zendaya," Tom spoke, determination laced in his tone as he rubbed my back gently.

It was only a few hours after my breakdown, but it somehow felt like it was a whole new day.

"If I do it, will you- will you be there for me?" His heart beat was loud and fast against my ear as he nervously waited for my answer.

I assured him that I'd always be there, but apparently my word wasn't good enough, because the moment he saw Zendaya, he attacked her in numerous kisses, tight hugs, 'I love you's' and 'I missed you's'.

Of course the public knew about this, because it was a trending video of the world's favorite couple.

It was like watching every Television show where the guy promises to leave his wife, so that his mistress won't leave him.

Tom never wanted to commit to me. He just wanted to keep me from getting over him.

It was a sick game he enjoyed to play, because he liked the power he had over me. I was just a toy to him and I allowed it, because I loved him.

Harrison and Tom's friendship soon ended after that night.

I was assured that they stopped talking for reasons other than me, but I knew he just wanted to make me feel better.

It hurt to think that I was the reason for the end of an amazing friendship.

I've spent months avoiding every party and premier out there just to prevent myself from doing anything and everything with Tom the moment he asked.

It's stupid of me to think that after being the one to break up with him, he'd take me back the second I asked.

But, even if he broke up with me, I would've taken him back in a heartbeat.

But, that's just me being stupid.

Even though I constantly had Harrison checking up on me, I've had a lot of time to think about my situation with Tom.

I've come to the conclusion that Thomas Stanley Holland, the youngest superhero in Marvel, the family man, the guy who visits sick kids in the hospital, isn't capable of truly loving someone.

If he truly loved Zendaya, he wouldn't have constantly cheated on her with me, and if he truly loved me, he wouldn't have toyed with me.

The only people he would never hurt is his family, and the only girl he would do anything for is Tessa.

It took me so long to realize the person Tom really was and by the time I did, he already had broken me.

He made it hard for me to trust anyone.

For a brief moment I blamed Haz for it all.

I blamed him for making me believe for a moment that Tom still cared, but even though I was mad at him, I allowed him to stay with me; to comfort me.

It's crazy how I can be so mad and disappointed at a person for causing me pain, but I'll still forgive them, because that's just how I am; forgiving.

I think I actually enjoy letting myself get hurt.

It was the concept of preventing someone else from hurting by allowing myself to feel the pain instead.

That's how I saw it, even if it wasn't true.

But, there was no way for me to actually prevent someone else's pain, because it's and inevitable feeling.

Zendaya will feel it if she ever finds out about Tom's affair, Harrison felt it when he lost his best friend, Tom will hopefully feel it once -if everyone realizes the person he truly is, and I felt it when I allowed myself to fall for someone who had the wrong intentions.

But, that's how the world is right? It begins with horrible people doing horrible things to each other, and it ends with hurt people hurting people.

Its a vicious cycle of pain, but I was only intentionally on the receiver side.

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It honestly took me so long to write this and it's not even good