Numb: The Postscript

XIII. Dream

Kristoff's eyes squinted. He remained a man with no words for a long period of time.

"Princie, I'm changing the subject because this is getting creepy." I gestured him to continue, but he hesitated, "Uh, Queen Elsa is very busy with kingdom duties, but she should be coming in the morning. She-"

"And Princess Anna?"

He quickly became protective, "She has no business seeing you. Nor does she want to."

"Does she know I'm here?"

"Only Queen Elsa was notified of your return. She'll be discussing the extremity of your crimes and everything else. Be prepared for a long talk, my friend." I just faced the ground, disinterested. He let out a big yawn, "I'm shocked I've stayed up this late talking to you. Well, I'm heading out. Have some rest, bud," he patted my back, "It will be a long night."

He picked up his belongings and left me to dwell in the darkness.

There was a small opening to the outside with bars. The moonlight shone through it, but it wasn't enough to keep me satisfied. The brisk winds entered the small room. I only wore a thin cotton shirt as well as trousers. Even though it all covered my skin and protected me from the chills, I still nearly froze.

I tried to close my eyes tightly, but every little thing, every sound, kept my mind awake. Just like the last few weeks, a good night's sleep was a rarity.

"Hans?"

I opened my eyes. I was still alone. I closed my eyes again.

"Hans," a giggle echoed in my ears, "Why are you so cold? Let me hold your hands... I'll keep you warm."

"Noèle?!" My eyes widened as I sat up.

No response. I lied down once again, shutting my eyes. My mind was playing tricks on me. She's gone. She's dead. I knew she was. But I couldn't accept it all. I kept denying it. The One who loved me, despite my flaws, my monster, was gone. And I wanted her to come back.

"Shhh... Give me your hands...

Do you want me to stay here

I'll keep your hand within mine

Hans, I already miss you so

You know I had to go

So don't you stir and cry

Death is only between us

But death doesn't part

Our love that has never died

Do you want me to stay here

I'll hold your hand and I'll stay here

Goodnight

Please keep me in your heart like I have kept you in mine. But don't make me your burden. Don't let me be the reason you can't live. You have a life worth living, and it's your choice to make it that way.

Go to sleep now. You need it. And don't worry, I'll be here with you."

My hands were so cold that they started to burn. I knew she couldn't warm my hands. Not anymore at least. They've become too frozen to the point of having the inability to thaw. Like my frozen heart.

I, myself, just accepted the fact that I will be cold for my nights here. But somehow, my mind was at peace. Noèle was with me in my heart. I was able to sleep, finally.

--

I've had dreams before. Occasionally.

To have a dream. Dreams, to me, were just ideas— ideas implanted in our minds by false hope and promises. I've dreamt. I loved to. It felt good to. It was my escape. And I hoped to escape again this night.

Black.

When I closed my eyes.

Black.

When I slept.

Black.

When I dreamed.

Black. Black. Black!

When I opened my eyes.

Black!

When I looked here.

Black!

When I looked there.

Black everywhere!

Black was my escape. It was odd to imagine. To imagine that black was my only escape from the dreads of darkness. Despite the tenebrous environment, I thought the worst part of living wasn't losing everyone, every single thing I loved— it was losing me.