Concealed underneath the soft blankets of my bed, I buried my face into my pillow. Wet, hot tears fell straight from my eyes to the fabric of the cushion and I lifted up my head to let out a simple sigh. Both hands gripped the sides of my pillow and shoved it on top of my nose, so my sobs could be muffled.
Knock Knock.
Springing up, pillow flying from my face, I immediately turned my attention towards the bedroom door.
"Lance? Are you okay? You've been in there for hours!" it was my older brother. I made an attempt of a happy voice and replied.
"Yeah! I'm fine!" that was a lie, because I was certainly not fine.
"Right, just checking on you!"
Clicks of heels faded and I assumed there was no one near me. Head collapsing onto my bed sheets, I needed time to recollect my own thoughts. The thoughts that were wandering around my mind for so long, way too long. What was I thinking?
Kissing Keith was possibly the best mistake ever, meaning... it felt great but I couldn't face him again! Now I wasn't able to hang out with one of the best people I knew. Because I fucked up. I should have refused. I shouldn't have...
I couldn't stop thinking it was my fault. Of course Keith had asked me to prove myself! He was socially awkward! He didn't know what to do! Just thinking of Keith feeling uncomfortable because I kissed him made me shiver and huddle under the covers once again.
Keith.
Keith.
Keith.
Go away.
Keith.
No.
You like him.
No.
You love him.
No.
Stop kidding yourself Lance, you're only denying it because you're a wuss afraid of rejection.
Make him go away.
He doesn't love me anyway.
Warmth was encased in the safe haven that trapped me. I didn't want to leave my bed. I was afraid of confrontation. This was the worst thing I'd ever done.
Why?
Why did I love him so damn much?
His image didn't leave my head. I allowed myself to think about everything I love about him. Things I'd kept at the back of my mind since forever: the way his hair trickled over his shoulders like a waterfall; the way his eyes light up a magnificent brown when he gossips about his passions; the soft smiles that could put the sun's light to shame..
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I just wanted him to be mine.
So. Damn. Much.
--
SOrry about the short chapter. I had NO CLUE how to continue it. The next chapter will have a completely different start from this. I haven't updated in ages. If you read the last chapter you'd know why. I just want you all to know I'm grateful for all your support and that I am determined to finish this whether it takes me days , months or years.
