Wonderful Caricature (Ryden)

I

It's a funny thing, being the youngest impersonator in the area.

Well, not so much in a way that'd make anyone laugh, unless you're the type that has a sick, but wicked sense of humour.

In that case, we have something in common, you and I.

Though, I have to have a sick sense of humour to do this kinda shit three times a week.

God, I remember when I could only get a gig once a month, if I was lucky.

I guess that's what I get for not doing pageants or whatever, but it's not like my goal in life is to be Miss Gay America.

Not that I'd ever try to flaunt my sexuality around or write it on my forehead and wear it like a badge. Not right now. If you don't already know what's going on, I'll let you figure it out.

I'm just trying to be like every other artist. Drag is truly an expressive art. It fucks with people, sure, but everyone needs to be fucked with every once in a while, just to keep sane.

Whether I get paid a lot or not isn't my biggest concern, if I'm honest with myself. I don't think I could handle a serious job anyway. Way too many assholes in a confined space for me. Most the people who waddle into this dinky joint are either too high or too drunk to be assholes.

That's 1981 for ya, babe.

It's the start of a new decade, Jimmy Carter's the President for the next couple weeks, and everyone's recovering from all the mistakes they made from last two decades. Except me, I'm still marinating in my mistakes.

Oh, and disco's in.

Great.

Well, it's been in for years.

Not that I have a huge problem with it, I have better things to spend my time hating, but.. eh. I'm more of a Beatles guy.

Shit, I have to get more eyeliner soon.

I mean, I already look feminine enough, even out of drag, my Shirley Temple curls make sure of that, but still.

Tequila can only fuck with a person's perception so much, y'know?

Rosie Milan is.. me, I guess.

Ryan Ross is also me.

One of them's way more fun at parties than the other, but I guess that's the point.

I'm an entertainer.

An impersonator.

An imposter.

~

I usually go out in the mornings to get out of the house and smoke. Today isn't any different. I sleep with a pack of Camels on my nightstand, so if you expected me not to use them, you were sorely mistaken. Not that I'm a burnout or anything.

To be frank, it's not my house, it's my mom's. My dad was a deadbeat and shipped out of here when I was still in diapers. Didn't hear a word from him, not one letter from him, for well over a decade. Had to find out that he died just by reading the paper one day when I was 16. I didn't bother going to his funeral, I didn't have enough of a bond to care about the man. Plus, it was on a Monday. As if I was about to go out of my way to grieve a man who abandoned me and my mom when I had school bright and early.

The only decent that man ever did was die. Everything went to my mom after he finally kicked the bucket, house and money included. Didn't leave her much money, but she makes enough at her little job and I make enough at mine, so we never go hungry. The house isn't too bad, either. It's your average white picket fence, one-story, painted an ugly pastel yellow, house that you'd see on the tube in some advertisement for whatever new product on the market. Couple of bedrooms, both are decent-sized, where there isn't hardwood floor, there's off-white shag carpet, the walls are striped white and the same shade of pastel yellow they used on the outside of the house, which doesn't mean it looks any better inside than it does outside. The kitchen's pretty small and it's connected to the dining room. We've got these ugly floral drapes hanging over the window in the dining room and I meant to get my mom some new ones for Christmas last month, but do you know much they tried to charge me for them? Let's just say, it was too much. The dining room set is pretty nice, I guess. The tablecloth is pretty much just a giant doily, but my mom thinks it looks classy, so I don't say anything. We've got an oak dish cabinet to go with the table set and egg white kitchen appliances to go with.. parts of the walls.