Change of Heart

First

2 Years after...

"Happy New Year!" Everyone cheered as the fireworks boomed out everywhere. Lahat ay napasigaw naman sa kani-kanilang pwesto.

"Happy New Year bes!" Shane greeted me with a wide smile plastered on her face. "Happy New Year din bes." I greeted back.

"Ako ba, hindi mo babatiin?" Napataas naman ang kilay ko sa nagsalita. "Happy New Year, Bryan." I sarcastically greeted him. "Happy now?" Dagdag ko pa.

"Any new years resolution , Addie?" Nang-aasar na tanong niya.

"Don't expect any new years resolution from me. I intend on staying the same awkward, sarcastic, foul-mouthed delight you've all come to know." I answered him back. Alam ko naman kung saan patutungo itong pag-uusap namin.

"Hanggang kelan mo ba dadalhin ang galit mo sa mga katulad ko, Addie?" Nagtatampong umupo si Bryan sa harap ko.

I roll my eyes on his remark.

""I just don't like you Bry, that's all." Masungit kong balik.

I saw him stunned for a moment dahil sa sinabi ko pero ipinagsawalang bahala ko na lamang. I don't care if he's hurt. Maganda namang diretsohin ko siya than giving him false hopes.

"Why are you so difficult, Addie? Hindi ka na bumabata no. Kung alam mo lang. Why don't you be like your best-friend Shane, she's so nice, and funny too, may I add." Untag niya.

"Then, can I ask why are you wasting your time on me if I am being difficult then?" Nang uuyam kong sabi.

I really hate it, nakakainis lang ang mga taong walang magawa kundi ang punahin ang ginagawa ng ibang tao. Kung ako naman ang tatanungin mas gusto ko na lamang problemahin pa ang sarili ko, kung paano ang trabaho ko, mga ganoong bagay, hindi 'yong pati ugali ng ibang tao madadamay pa. Isa pa, hindi naman ako nagmamaldita ng walang dahilan. Why am I always the center of that thing?

"You simply hate me? Wow, that's an understatement babe, lahat kami ayaw mo. Lahat kaming mga singkit. I dunno, the first time I heard that news I kind of "seryoso???" thing in my head. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, maybe those people we're just trying to put up some stories to justify your actions. Pero habang tumatagal, I kinda feel it." He said.

"Feel what?" I asked him. Natatawa na ako sa kanya.

"That you don't like my kind!" He said hysterically. Halos mapatingin naman ang mga katrabaho namin sa mga birada niya. I shot him a death glare. He's doing it on purpose. He's trying to get some attention para pumayag ako sa gusto niyang mangyare.

"And that is?" Matapang kong tanong. I raise my eyebrow on him. I don't want him to think na madadala niya ako sa mga kilos niya. I knew better.

"Walang kasalanan ibang singkit sa mga naranasan mo, Addie. I don't know what really happened, maybe something awful happened to you in the past, pero hindi pwede 'yon nalang ang magdedesisyon saiyo ngayon."

"What makes you think I dont like chinky eyed people? Shane is singkit. And she's my bestfriend. Why dont you just accept the fact that I dont like you. I'm not up for your thing or whatever you call it." I hissed at him, and I made sure na narinig din ng mga kung sinong usisyero sa paligid namin 'yon.

He blew our a deep breath. He's getting impatient. I can feel his intense glare at me.

"Don't say anything as if you know something, Bry." Dagdag ko pa. Dinig kong may napasinghap sa likod ko.

I know, I'm being hard again. Pero wala akong pakielam.

"Ok then. Go out with me. Kung talagang wala lang saiyo ang mga singkit na katulad ko." Naghahamon na siya ngayon.

"I already told you, I'm not up for your thing—

"Kahit ngayon lang. Prove me wrong." pilit niya pa.

I looked into those eyes then looked away. I can't! Dammit! I gritted my teeth. This man seriously is, getting under my skin.

But then, I have to show them I'm not affected. Sa oras na tumanggi ako, I will only prove everyone's theory na totoo yun, which actually is, true naman talaga. And I don't want them to know that.

"S-sure." Sabi ko nalang without looking into those fucking eyes.

I heard him say yes saka ako muling binalingan. "After work then. Saan mo ba gustong magpunta?" He asked me.

"Bahala ka na. Ikaw naman nag aya diba? Might as well, problemahin mo din 'yon." He grin at my remark. Inaasahan na niyang tatarayan ko siya.

"Ok then. Ako ng bahala. Basta after work ha." Paalala niyang muli while beaming a wide smile. That smile reaches his eyes kaya naman agad na nawala ang mga mata niya pagngiti niya. What the heck! Curse those eyes!

"Aalis ka ba o  kailangan ko pang iatras ang usapan para lang mapabalik ka sa station mo?" Naiirita ako sa kanya. Lalo na sa mga matang 'yon. Kung pwede ko lang dukutin kanina pa walang mata 'to.

"Sorry na, masaya lang." he said again. "I better go now." Dagdag pa niya ng mapansing magsasalita ako. Maybe he's thinking I'm backing up kaya naman mabilis na siyang naglakad palayo. "Happy New Year, by the way."

"I can't believe he actually wins this time Addie." Panimula sa akin ni Shane. Naiiling naman akong tumingin sa kanya at binalikan ang pag ta type ko sa docs.

"You actually buy that remark? My gosh!" Still natatawa parin siya sa naging kalabasan ng usapan namin ni Bryan. Shane knows Brys feelings for me since day one. Actually, some men are hitting on me pero alam nila ang karakas ko kaya no one ever dared to asked me out. Si Bry lang talaga ang malakas ang loob, mapilit at higit sa lahat makapal ang mukha.

"Well, good for him, actually. Alam mo namang matagal ng deads sayo yang si Bryan e. Ikaw lang talaga 'tong bitter." She starting to point out something again.

"Shane—

"I know, I know. Just saying Addie. I miss seeing you na happy na kasi best friend. You know what, ever since that un fateful day happened, nagalit kana sa mundo. I mean, I'm used to you-being-rude and all pero iba kana kasi ngayon. It's been years best. You had been dwelling on that thing too much. You're keeping yourself  locked up and by doing that you're missing the most important thing." Pabulong na sambit niya. Buti na lamang at magkalapit kami ng cubicle kaya naman kahit mag-usap kami walang masyadong makakarinig.

"Shut up Shane."Mahina  kong sabi na lang na agad namang  nagpangiti  sa kanya.

I know that. Maybe this is the only way I know for me to preserve what's left.

Self worth. Ito ang meron ako, at ito lang din ang kailangan ko. Years of preserving myself, is not a bad choice. I just realized na sarili mo lang ang maaasahan mo kapag nawala na ang lahat. People who wants to be with me should prove me that they are worthy to be with. Ayaw ko ng maulit pa yon. It's not being a bitch, and it's not pessimism either. It's called, self worth.

I just shook my head then turn to my laptop again.

We work silently. Shane, on the other hand really shut her mouth, and that's a good thiing for me. She knows me too well na ayaw ko ng maingay kapag nasa workplace ako.