Not Used To It

XVII

Henry's P.O.V.

I may have accidentally let it slip to Charlotte that I love her. Which was pretty stupid, suck it the fuck up. I don't know when I found out myself but between all our talking and taking care of the kids I've realized that she's always going to be the one for me. She just does it and I don't even know what it is. I had to call my mom to help me out with what I was feeling.

☆☆☆Flashback to Chapter X (or 10) which is when they went to the park & were arguing but made up ☆☆☆

We'd just got home and the rest of our park stay was easy. After lunch we played with the kids then did some cloud watching and counting. However I started to get this strange feeling in my chest whenever Charlotte smiled, laughed or looked at me. I found myself watching her every move, how she handled the kids and how she was with Aaron. She was so gentle but so strong.

"Can we do the star watching thing tonight ?" Aiden asks.

"Sure but you guys have to wash up and get ready for dinner and bed first. I'll go buy some cookies for us to star gaze." I say, taking this chance to call my mom.

"Alright. Can you pick up some more eggs and bacon while you're at it ?" Charlotte says as she takes Aaron out of his stroller. I close the stroller for her.

"Sure thing, I'll be back soon." I say and I head towards the door. I lock the door behind myself and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Again I've been finding it really hard to function normally around Charlotte lately, I'm a lot more on edge around her. This is so weird, maybe it's our payback for making her feel like shit for so long. This is what guilt feels like you cunt.

I shake my head to get away from those thoughts. Poor Henry, you can't escape this. Why don't you just go and lash out on this next person ? Ruin your life some more ? That's all you're really good for you piece of shit. I'm not listening to this today. I block out the part of me that seeks to make my life hell and bring me back into a world full of hurt. I take the stairs to get to the parking lot and once I'm in my car I take a deep breath and start the car. I immediately pick up my phone to call my mom only to find that she's already calling me. I switch to bluetooth and answer her call.

"Henry! You answered ! Well obviously you answered. Hey, how are you ? How are the kids ? How's the project ? How's -?" My mom fires out, interrogating the heck out of me.

"Dang Ma, slow down chill out. I'm good, how are you guys doing ?" I say, laughing a little.

"Well we all miss you, even Piper. She's been sleeping on the guest bed in your room. She doesn't deserve half the treatment you give her and you know that." My mom says and I just have a feeling she's hinting at more than Piper.

"I've got news, I've made up with Charlotte. I actually kinda like her. Oh and I broke up with Bianca." I say and it's silent.

"THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST IS GONE !!" I hear my mom yell and I hear people cheering which can only be my dad and Piper. I smile at their antics.

"Sorry about your break up." My mom says while her tone is obviously not sorry at all. I just smile and back out of my parking spot.

"It's chill. We weren't a good match and I don't care for her. She was like the leech in my head. With her and this condition thing I've done and said things I'm not proud of. I've become the type of person I swore to protect everyone I love from. I'm sorry. Sorry Dad ! Sorry Pipes !" I yell knowing they can probably hear me.

"He called me pipes ?" I hear a whisper and some sniffling.

"I'm so proud, what brought about this change ?" My mom says.

"MY SON IS BACK !" I hear Dad yell in the back even though it's muffled which means he has to be crying. He's a bit of a softie but we love him anyways.

"Okay, I'm on the phone with my son. Can you two not right now ? Sheesh. I'm going outside." Mom says. It's silent but then I hear a door slam.

"So this change ?" My mom prompts.

"Charlotte which is also why I called." I say, this time pulling into the parking lot of Walmart.

"Ah I thought I heard you say her name. What's up?" My mom asks.

"Well since we made up, I've been feeling weird. I think it's guilt eating me up. I'm always watching her, seeing how she moves and makes everything so effortless but I also notice how sometimes she's a little more timid cause of what I can only assume is me. Mom she used to wear her hair so beautifully in its natural state and now it's straighter than yours." I say and stop myself. I take a deep breath.

"Anyways she's just so gorgeous. Like I mean any supermodel could stand next to her and be bested. She has this air that's so peaceful and welcoming. She takes good care of herself, it shows that she doesn't want to be hurt by anyone but if she is then she'll be alright. She smells great and sometimes when I catch her in the moment her smile is just so contagious and so joy inducing that I can't help but swoon."

"Sometimes when I'm around her, it's so hard to breathe. I just get so wrapped in watching her in adoration that I forget the basics of inhale and exhale. I get this tight feeling in my chest just by looking at her. Oh man her eyes are the best chocolate swirls ever. Her skin is so smooth and her hands are so soft. She gives the best hugs and honestly when I'm around her everything feels right until I get reminded of all that I've done wrong and I get this urge to just fix it and to make it better. I want to just make sure no one ever hurts her again even myself but how do I protect her from me ? I just, gosh this girl is causing me to think about any and everything. I want to help her but I don't want to taint her more. Ma what is this ?" I ask desperate for a solution.

"Henry, that's love and not just any love. That's being deeply entrenched and enthralled in love. You lose this feeling and you lose Charlotte. Hold onto this, cherish it and intesify it on good days and rememeber all those moments so you can fight to keep it on days. You have the feeling now comes the hard part, choosing to keep it or choosing to let it go." My mom says, dropping the hottest bomb of wisdom & knowledge on me, just smacking me with truth so powerful that it could only be way past her years and way past the years of any human ever.

☆☆☆ Flashback Over ☆☆☆

That same day I let it slip out to Charlotte that I love her. Thankfully she didnt hear me since I mumbled it into her stomach. My one slip up was fine but then I went ahead and hinted that I feel strongly for her by accidentally mumbling that I cant wait to spend forever with her. Idiot. She'd never want to spend that long with me.

Heck, all it would take is one trip to my doctor for her to run away screaming. I'll never forget when my doctor told my that I should try and keep tabs on myself because for some reason I have triggers that make me flip a switch. One minute I'm fine and the next I want to break everything. Charlotte has the uncanny ability to trigger me and to keep me grounded. I've been keeping my condition under wraps by practicing simple breathing exercises, carrying a stress ball, humming a song that calms me and by looking at the videos and picture I have of my beautiful family.

I look down at Charlotte to find her still knocked out. I wish we could just stay like this for a year or five. As I'm watching her, I don't feel myself grow tired and I definitely don't feel myself clock out but I do feel as I start to dream about a time where I'll have my kids and more with Charlotte and our own house.

That'd be nice.