Not Used To It

XVIII

I shot up out of bed and booked it straight to the bathroom. I'm pretty sure I woke up Henry but that's not too much of a concern. I close the door behind me and sit down to pee til something thicker than pee comes out.  That would explain all my emotional mess last night.

I just clean myself up and prepare for the day, including counting up how many pads I had left. I have plenty which is weird since I know that last month I definitely almost ran out. Maybe Chloe left some.

I exit the bathroom heading for my phone immediately texting Chloe.

Hey, did you leave pads here ?

Chlo🤞🏾🤞 : No, I'm not on rn. I'm 3 weeks after you I think.

"You good ?" Henry asks causing me to look at him. I nod my head.

"Hey question, did you do any shopping ?" I ask Henry.

"Yeah remember when I went to go pick up a few house things after work last week ? Is there no tissue in the bathroom ? I thought I put some extra rolls in there." Henry spews out and I shake my head.

"No no it's not that um did you pick up some extra pads ?" I ask him.

"Oh are you on right now ?, " He asks and I nod my head slowly. "Huh that'd explain a lot but yeah I noticed last month your supply got really low and I had some extra change so I got some. I hope I got the right one, did I?" Henry asks now becoming worried. I just smile as I watch his eyes fill with fear and he starts to bite his lip.

"Yeah you did, you're good. Thank you for that." I commend him and just like that he eases back up. Well his body does but his face is still tense, actually more tense than before. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are darkening. His lips are etched into a scowl and he looks like asshat Henry. Oh no, not today dammit.

I do the one thing that comes to mind. Hug him. I wrap my arms around his upper abdomen and rest my face against half of his chest and half of his abs. I rub his back and pray this will calm him down. At first he goes rigid again but then he relaxes and actually wraps his arms back around me. He hugs me tightly, as if I'm pulling away which I'm not. I feel his chin rest atop my head and he takes a deep breath.

"Hey Hen?" I ask.

"Hmm?" He hums out.

"Are you ever going to tell me what this is all about ? This internal switch of yours ? " I ask and he sighs.

"Yeah, I guess we can talk about it now but can we cuddle ? I want to keep you in my arms in case you want to run afterwards." Henry says and I just nod, becoming slightly afraid that I asked my question. He kisses the top of my head and pulls away. What the hell is it so cold for in this room ? I touch my forehead to see if I'm sick or something but no go. Oh my period, right. That explains it.

Henry lays down in bed and I just follow suit. I lay my head on his chest and he puts his arm around my waist.

"Okay so in a sense it really is an internal switch I have. But it's more than that. I don't know when it really started or why but it's like a leech in my head. Not an actual one, a figurative one. That's how the doctor described it. It just criticizes everything I do and sometimes when I don't shut it up it can break me down to the point where I let it take over." Henry speaks this time in a softer tone, he's probably scared.