Recovery (A Justin Bieber fan fiction)

All my fault (2)

*Lexies POV*

*one month later*

It's been a month. As soon as I got to the Bieber's the hospital rang up saying they had both died from bleeding I'm the brain. Since then I haven't talked to anyone. I've stayed up in the guest room crying my eyes out. Emily comes over everyday forcing me to eat food. Ryan try's to talk to me but I don't talk. Justin hasn't been here because he's on tour which I am so thankful of. The last thing I need is his shit.

I walk in the bathroom to take a shower. All I see in the mirror is a monster. My eyes have lost all glow. I have dark circles under my eyes. I look like absolute shit. But to be honest I don't even care anymore.

I hop in the shower and do my business. Half way through shaving my legs I stop and just start crying. I can't believe what I have done. I am worthless. I don't deserve to be here anymore. I stare at the razor in front of me. I don't know what came over me but I grabbed it and slowly slid it along my wrist. But it felt good. Like I was letting out some of my stress. I carried on but stopped when I realised what I was doing. I threw the razor to the other side of the shower and just stared at my arm. It was so wrong.. But it felt so right.

I finished shaving my legs and put on some baggy pants and a oversized shirt. I pulled my hair into a messy bun and looked in the mirror in disgust.

I slipped into bed and soon darkness consumed me.

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"Lexie. Lexie where are you?" A soft familiar voice called.

"Mum? Is that you."

"Honey, you need to move on. What's done is done. It's not your fault stop blaming yourself. Me and your father love you. Please move on for us. We love you."

"MUM?!?!? I'm sorry I love you too, this is all my fault, I didn't mean what I said please come back to me! Please you don't know how much I need you!" I scream.

"Honey. Move on. We forgive you. Go back to school. Everything's gonna be alright. Move on we....."

*BEEP BEEP BEEP*

I wake up sweating like a pig with tear stains on my cheek. It was a dream. But it felt so real. It was my Mum. She talked to me. She was in my dream. I think it's a sign. I think I should try to move on. I have been unfair to everyone. I need to go tell Ryan I'm okay. Then go to Emily's.

I race in the shower and as I sit there I can't help but grab the razor. It just feels so right.

After the bleeding stops I get out of the shower and put on my light wash jeans, low cut converse and I hoodie leaving my hair out.

I sprint to Ryan's room and see him playing Call of duty with someone..

"Lexie! Come here" Ryan gets up and gives me a long hug that I didn't realise I needed.

"I missed you, I'm sorry for shutting you out." I whisper as he pulls away from the hug.

"Hey it's okay I understand Lexie." He says giving me a sympathetic smile.

"I love you Ryan" I choke out another tear rolling down my cheek.

"I love you too Lexie" he says pulling me into another hug.

"I'm gonna go see Em, I'll be back in half an hour."

"Okay stay safe."

*Emilys house*-------------

I take a long breath in before knocking on the door. Emily opens it and as soon as she sees me tackles me nearly making us both fall over.

"LEXIE! Oh my god I missed you so much I can't even explain it! I have been so upset non-stop for the last month! I couldn't handle you not talking to me you have to stay over on Saturday and we can just put all the worrys behind us! I love you Lexie-loo!" Emily says basically crying.

"I'm so sorry Em I shouldn't of shut you out you were just trying to do whats best for me. And yes totally on for Saturday. I love you too. But your crushing me." She awkwardly gets off laughing and helping me up.

"Whoopsy.. Hey you wanna come in?"

"Sorry I should be going home, could you tell the girls I'm alright and we should all hang some day soon?"

"Yeah sure Lex see you soon?"

"Yup see you".

*Back home*-------------

"Shit I forgot the key." I mutter to myself. I knock on the door and wait a bit. After no answer I to to knock again but the door flys open. I look up and it felt like something took over me.

"Hey Lexie."

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Ohhhh who is it? ;) read the next chapter to find out!

Sorry boring chapter but it will get more interesting promise!

Love ya

- Olive xx