Sean Lew Imagines

Sean Lew Imagines #20

Trigger warning for self-harm and attempted suicide.
Don't hurt yourselves loves! You are loved, DM me if you need to talk 💜

"I hate myself, I want to die because I wouldn't feel this way anymore... I'm worthless"

My tears hit the pages of Sean's journal as I read one of the many suicidal entries he has logged over the last few weeks.

Where am I? In the hospital after Sean tried to overdose...

He had left the black leather book lying on his desk with my name stuck on it, a note sitting beside it. 

"I love you (Y/N) and never told you because I'm not worth your love even if you ever loved me back. Why would you? I'm worthless, ugly and stupid. That's why I did it, sweetheart because you're better than me, you deserve a better man then me and I don't think I can keep living without you, dealing with myself it's too hard, I'm weak and I am giving you the pain rather than deal with it myself. The pressure, the hate, it's too much. I'm so sorry" 

My sobs filled the room as I slam the book closed with Sean's note inside it.

*Flashback* 

Kenneth, Gabe and I walked up to Sean's room and found him lying on top of his bed with a half drank glass of water and a bottle of out of date pills on his bedside table, I scream as the boys go white, Kenny grabs me as I try to go to Sean. Hearing my scream Sean's mum comes running up the stairs. Gabe is on the phone calling for an ambulance, Kenneth lets go of me, to stop Mrs Lew from seeing her son lying lifeless on his bed. 

*End Flashback*

I wipe my eyes on my sleeve and take Sean's hand "I love you too... You are good enough for me, you always have been, why would you think that Seannie?" 

*Gabe's POV* 

"Sean?" I call knocking on his door. No answer. "Can we come in?" I open the door and (Y/N) screams, Sean is lying on his bed limp and pale. Kenneth grabs her.

I dash to the bed and grab Sean's wrist to check his pulse, his sleeve falls back and the red gashes over his skin catch my eye as I find his weak pulse and pull out my phone to dial 000.

Mrs Lew's shriek cuts the air as she sees her son. 

*Your POV* 

Your tears roll as the montoirs surrounding Sean beep in the background of my thoughts. his Mum is calling family while I st with Sean. Gabe's mum took him home to rest after what happened he was in shock, one of his best friends attempted suicide and worse he found him like that, I don't think I can ever unsee Sean lying there like that so pale and lifeless, his face drained of colour or a look that would give us any hope.  

In the time before the ambulance arrived we had made Sean'smum sit-down and we had read the pill bottle to tell the paramedics what he had taken. 

I don't know if I will ever hear Sean's laugh again or see his smile, what if he doesn't make it? I don't know if he will, he is ina bad state........

A/N 

I'm sorry don't hurt me or do I mean either way....... It's my mood rn. 

I just want to be more fit and I can't, right now I'm cutting down on food and going to work out if my family would let, I can't go jog and I guess not eating is all I can do.....