My January 7 reads:
I’m grinding my studies and I worry that I might fall short on my internship. To top it all off, Shan’s being a form of stress. I should learn to let it off -__-“
I don’t know what happened this day. I guess no one really remembers the bad times in detail. All I could think of is how she holds my hand and how her touch could reach my heart, calming it down. Shan calms me. She has this power to make my system believe that everything’s gonna be fine, even if it’s actually going downhill. For a moment, I wish I could also do the same to her. January 12 said I am happy cause Shan smokes less lately. I hate it when she smokes. It only means that she’s too depressed that only nicotine could help her. I think, no woman should smoke because of depression. Every woman needs a man to make her feel better, and as much as I couldn’t admit it, I was of no help. If I was, then it’s less help. Shan is strong. And I admire her for that. But right now, I am praying that she’d let me make her stronger. It came to the point that I want to be more, not for myself, but for her.
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Once in a while, I’ll insert the phrase “I miss her so..” between my pharmacology lessons. The pages of my book become an alternate pattern of “analgesic-I miss her-acetaminophen-I miss Shan- not more than 325mg-I miss her” statement. On the other hand, my internship program is still in progress that’s why I arrive home near midnight. 6pm to 11pm is a graveyard shift, not that it only kills me physically, but also emotionally. I held my black B5510 in my hand while I lie down on my aquatic bed and I tried to make our convo as wholesome as it could. It’s not like we are “together” but it feels like I’m willingly obliged (ain’t that contrary) to tell her if I’m home. Is this how it feels like when you’re committed without label? January 25 is the first time that Shan went all sweet and cute in text, while 27 made me realize why her caption in ask.fm says: If the moon tells you somethin’, you better believe it.
So here I am giving you, without knowing if you’re really interested to know this, a little story of how Shan loves the moon. I remembered the first time I asked her,” What’s with the moon thingee?” then she’d introduce me this one dear friend she really loves and misses. That girl, as she would describe, is smart and really mature…and calm. I dunno. I think, Shan admires her. Well, I think I admire that girl too, for being a good image to Shan. So going back to the story, this “girl” then tells Shan that she looks or acts like Artemis (the Goddess of Moon) because Shan is boyish and stuff. Well, I would like to argue that. Shan is pretty girly for me. Or maybe I’m just more boyish than she is. *laughs*
So Shan looks this Artemis up in the internet and bingo! She loves her instantly. Like, Artemis and Shan clicked. From that day on, I called Shan “Artemis”. Then I’d also call her “Master” cause when it comes to her, I am submissive well in fact I am pretty dominant in pretty much…anywhere! I just don’t know why people tend to endure being the underdogs when they love someone. *laughs* just kidding.
Then it turns out that we called each other “baby” as well.
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Have I ever wondered why I am Filipino and not Chinese?
Well, never. Cause I don’t plan to celebrate New Year on January 31. That would be so…forever alone with firecrackers and horns. It’s like you are celebrating Easter at a funeral.
But for the record, this was the best Chinese New Year. My family had Tikoy (a nice dessert made of rice), wine and cake. Oh guys, stop acting like we are Chinese. *gives them that stop-it-you face* But seriously, my whole family celebrated! Dad was busy frying and tossing sliced tikoys in the air while I am struggling to pull the cork off the Novellino bottle. My sisters, well, they found comfort in posting pictures that say #HappyChineseNewYear and #YeyWeAreCelebrating. For that moment, I almost groped my eyes to check if they went chinese-y. *laughs* (excuse me for that term. That’s the best I could come up with)
It didn’t take me much time to recall what happened next. I knew that on that day, what made Chinese New Year the best yet is that Shan and I had our second movie: Snowbreaker.
And honestly, I would still laugh up to now if I remember how lame and terrible our choice of movie is. We went for the snow apocalypse story than romantic fiction movies. How sweet, right? *laughs til I cry*
But you know what, we could watch a very tragic and morbid story, but still end up with butterfly-filled stomachs. And I get it now. Why would men either choose romantic or scary. Romantic so they could calm the girl and steal a kiss when she’s near to crying. And scary so she would hugged him when the scene’s too terrifying.
In our case, we were laughing all the way. The cutting of limbs, the swordfighting and bloody scenes in between- we dig those stuffs. I think that’s the one thing I could never find in somebody. How it doesn’t actually matter what you are watching. It’s like our first movie. But this one’s lamer. And with a more out-of-this-world plot. The only same thing is that I still am intoxicated by her scent. By her awkward laugh. And I just can’t focus on the story. Because we held each other hands so tight, I could almost feel her touching my heart.
You know what happens then. It’s like a chorus of walk and talk. Then coffee and tea. But I guess it’s not that easy to guess the lyrics cause Artemis will always be a surprise. That’s what makes her special. She is never predictable. So when she held out something in the air, I knew what it was: a moon pendant. I’ve been noticing the moon pendant she’s been wearing. And she decided to give me an orange one too.
They come in pair. Just like us.
