My lungs were screaming like..forever.
EVIL DEAD. ARE YOU SERIOUS, SHAN? ARE YOU EVEN..? You are MAD! The little voice threw her arms in the air, mimicking a windwill, while I was curled up on one side of the couch. The pillows should be enough to cover my screams but no, I keep on screaming like a duck trying to find her ducklings.
And Shan is on the other side, laughing hard. I took a courageous attempt to glance at the huge screen, but all I see is RED. Red as in, scarlet blood. And I saw limbs that are hanging by their tendons. And men holding syringes and chainsaws. It was horrible.
“Ew,” Shan calmly comments. Like, what the hell? All you can say is, ew? After seeing that blood pool?
“I don’t want this anymore!” I exclaimed, as if I could stop us from watching. As If I could stop her from laughing.
“Hachiiiii,” she whines. “it’s so kadiri (disgusting)” her laughs are caught in between her words. And I had to peek again, but this time it’s a possessed woman smiling at us. I glanced at Shan. They have the same smile, I thought.
After an hour or so, the movie is finally coming to an end. I am calmer now, with the tea exerting its natural effect. Shan’s skin brushes mine, and I stopped squealing cause I might lose my voice. I don’t want to be speechless after this. I still want to reprimand her for being too…heartless. I mean, who could stand that kind of movie? We should totally watch the Book Thief instead.
The dark room becomes maroon- yes, maroon like blood. But again I stopped reacting. My focus is on how she holds me in her arms. With her right arm resting on my shoulder, around my neck. She is magnificent. I could insult those terrible looking people on the screen and her evil laugh, but I could never resist the actual Shan. She is Artemis indeed. Part human, part goddess in her own ways. I just never thought we’d actually be this close. You know? She was just my high school crush, someone I would look up to as a professional and decent person.
But right now, I love her. And I look up to her as an inspiration and a blessing. She is smart, and capable and simply...beyond words. I realized that it really does come to a point when someone runs out of words to describe a certain feeling, or a certain person, and this is happening to me right now. I run out of words. I don’t even know how to keep my description as honest as possible cause some would think of it as exaggerated. But no, I’m telling this to you. Shan is beyond words. and so are my feelings for her right now.
We opened the door seconds after the credits flashed before us. I stretched my arms, and yawned as if the movie bored me. The people outside the room looked at us. Maybe they’re trying to point out which of us was screaming like forever. Guess what people? It’s me.
**********
“Gosh. Evil dead.” I sat next to Artemis. She was holding a cup of bitter coffee.
She lets out a short laugh. “You chickened out.”
“You sadist,” I glanced at her, past her glasses. I missed her and I want to take the time in appreciating her presence. Then I looked up at the sky, the same sky when we got in a fight. I closed my eyes for a moment while she sips her coffee.
Then after a series of conversations, she starts to act weird. Like, she’s hiding something from me. I studied her, wondering if she is aware that she acts weirdly.
“I have something to tell you.” She said. Pausing word after word.
“what is it?”
“will you be..” she stops midway then gives a long sigh.
“what is it?” I asked again. Although I partly knew what it is about. I am almost smiling. It’s like she’s the one who’s watching Evil dead right now.
“will you be my girlfriend?” she said in a straight manner. And it was like, I just stared at her, waiting if she really is serious.
I didn’t answer still. Cause I want her to be more prepared. Cause I think we were just so high tonight. Like the stars above. I don’t want it to be like making a promise after winning the lottery, or saying you hate someone because your dog just died.
But to be more honest and real, I am more of being scared. cause if there will be an “us”, then there would be break-up, then there’s pain, and then the need of forgetting, and moving on. And it’s fucking painful to let go of her. I can’t imagine myself waking up one day and not able to say, “oh God, I just love Shan.”
Right now, I’m groping my chest. It’s hard to breathe. I don’t want you to know yet what happened next. But I guess you have a slight idea.
In the meantime, I gave myself a little comfort by closing my eyes and playing with memories. Of how she stretched out her hand after saying that open-ended proposal. Of how we continued to walk the night through. Of how I was forced to let go of her hand again. And say goodbye.
That night, I slept with an inner happiness in me. I want Shan. And I need her.
But most of all, I love her.
