Every Rose Needs The Rain Sometime

A Mothers Love

I just woke up in the middle of the night again ever since Kenzo was born I have not gotten one bit of sleep...I wiped my face slowly walking to the nursery to pick him up 'it's ok im here shh" I sat down in the rocking chair  and begin feeding him but he wouldn't take it..I checked his diaper and he was fine so I just held him..but he wouldn't stop crying for hours..I stood up walking around the room bouncing him "what do you wanttt.." I begin crying getting frustrated this really wasn't easy and my mood has been down all the time I feel distant from Kenzo like he doesn't connect with me why couldn't I get him to stop crying. The door opened and my grandma walked in "here give him to me" "just take him" I said handing him to her throwing my hands up frustrating walking out. I felt stressed, depressed, tired, I haven't cared about my appearance, everything was out of wack. I flopped down in my bed rubbing my head..I didn't have motivation to write music anymore or dance I just wanted to sleep all day. I heard a knock on my door before my grandma entered. "I got him back down for you.." "thanks..I don't know what's wrong with me..I can't get him to stop crying I feel like he just doesn't connect with me...do you know what that is like to know your baby always cries when he is in your arms and you can't do anything about it that's all he does is cry cry cry!" I started feeling overwhelmed "shh breathe Rose, baby you knew this wasn't gonna be easy...it's tough work being a new mom especially on your own but you are doing fine your just over worrying yourself, Kenzo loves you he knows your trying believe or not but babies have these little senses and it knows when a mom is worried or scared so if you feel scared and worried it won't calm him it just takes time and practice you will get it." I sighed covering my face "sweetie I think we need to set you up an appointment.." "for what i'm fine...and kenzo doesn't get his shots till another week" "not that kind..with a therapist you know to talk to somebody." "for what?! im not crazy" "listen sometimes..when women have babies their hormones get all out of order and there is this thing called post partum depression and it's normal it doesn't mean your crazy....I just want you to feel better..get some rest and we will talk in the morning." she kissed my forehead and walked out. I pulled my laptop out reading about this post partum depression and I did feel I was experiencing a lot of these symptoms. I cried myself to sleep this isn't what motherhood is about.

--------------------Morning---------------------

I went to go check on Kenzo to feed him and change him I carried him in his blanket walking downstairs "good morning my two babies have a seat Ill make you coffee I know your tired" I nodded my head "So I thought about what we talked about last night...I'll speak with someone Kenzo needs a me in my right mind so I will do it." "good I will be right there with you." I heard the front door open and slam causing Kenzo to cry..I clenched my teeth "heyy guess whos favorite uncle is in the house!" "Brandon you startled him!" "oh my bad let me take hi--" "no just stop!" I got up storming back to his room getting him to calm down I put him in his baby swing with music and he started to calm down. *knock knock* "Ro I didn't mean to cause that" I played with his little hand as he sat in his swing "it's fine i know you didn't im just..a little moody that's all i'm sorry" "grandma told me about everything..we discussed it together" he walked over sitting next to me with Kenzo  "take a day out Marcus said he was coming over to get you me and grandma will look after Ken" "but I feel like I shouldn't leave him...but this is all so crazy I have a contract I need to be writing my music an I can't focus between him always crying and feeling stressed " "your so busy caught in trying to be a perfect mom and do everything when it's ok to step back and breathe and not have everything figured out..that's what me and grandma are here for so just go ease your mind." I hugged Brandon the timing for them coming into my life was just perfect. "ok well you sit here with him while I go take a shower and be careful please" I went back to my room getting ready I just threw on whatever and left my hair the way it was by the time I was finished Marcus was at the door. I grabbed my purse opening the door "damn did you just wake up!"  I scoffed "what's wrong with how I look I just got ready?" "well in that case you look gorgeous hugs?" I rolled my eyes pushing past him going to the car.