Every Rose Needs The Rain Sometime

Visit From The Past

I sat out in my yard on the patio bench looking at the sunset drinking my coffee thinking about everything...Carmen was right..having sex was of course going to bring back all those feelings and just make me confused about everything. I heard my patio door slide open and Prince walked out joining me "morning" "morning." I spoke back sipping my coffee"are you ready to talk now" I nodded my head slowly "ill start..first off we have can't have sex..or any type of physical relationship don't get me wrong it's great but I can't get caught back into having those types of feelings with you not now..." he sighed rubbing his forehead I know it's hard for me too but we both went a year without it we can go more.."okay fine.." "secondly why the hell are you here..did you come here because i'm just your second option to keep running back to because your little gold digging wife that I warned you about hurt you..well that's karma..sorry the grass wasn't greener on the other side" he nodded his head at me I can tell I hit him hard with that comment but what the hell did he expect he hurt me and now he just wants to show up as if everything if okay. "Because I knew I messed up..I knew I was wrong you don't think I didn't once think about what I did everyday and what we could've had wondering if kenzo was some other mans son..wondering what I was missing out on and how I messed up I know that I know I had commitment issues" "well you realize what you had when it's gone...i told you everything about me you knew what I went through and you failed to keep your promise to be there and protect me" "I want to be in my son's life you know that's all I ever wanted" I nodded "if your gonna stay in kenzo's life that's fine im happy that's all I ever wanted for him" "and us.." "we tried i TRIED I put my trust in you and gave my all I wont lie i'm scared so im sorry if me forgiving you isnt at the top of my list right now or it isnt convenient to me" I shrugged i know it sounds harsh but i was at a time in my life now where I was over all the bs "and we can try again I know your scared I will hurt you again but I wouldn't" " it's not that easy..IF I CHOOSE to let you back in MY life in that way it's going to take A LOT of hard work, and trust building as of now I think we are best left as co parenting that should be our main focus." "so your telling me there is no possible feelings you have left.." I shrugged and shook my head "im sorry"  "I know you still love me rose.." I tucked my lips in trying to hold back "No..I had to move on" "you dont mean that" "all i will say is as easy as it was for me to fall in love with you..... it was that easy to fall out of love as well" I know I sunded harsh but I  was lying..lying to myself and to him to protect my feelings. OF COURSEE I still loved him and I always will and the fact he is the father of my son I will always love him for that..but it's best we just focus on Kenzo. He sighed I know that was probably hard for him to hear but hell if he would've acted right the first time we wouldn't be here correct?. "So..tell me about him..tell me everything" "Well for starters..he is super smart, super sweet.." "yeah." "and ..he's just like you...and that use to hurt me knowing how much he was like you and not knowing rather you would be around to share the same things with him" he smiled "this is still so crazy to me" "he loves music that's why I got him the drum set..he hears a beat in everything and can't control his self he will bang on anything near by so he asked for drums...the rest you just see for yourself he is just amazing" "I can't wait to show him everything I know kinda nervous about this whole parenting stuff" "don't be this is what you've been waiting for you will do fine I promise he will like it he already has a natural connection with you.." which he didn't even get with me till later.."We will tell him today." I got up preparing to walk inside with P following behind but I stopped in my tracks..."why didnt you fight for us...why did you just give up on everything we built and had planned.." "it felt like everything we had planned turned into what  YOU had planned although I should have gave you more freedom and been less controlling it just didnt feel like we were a partnership anymore and we fell apart and I know you probably felt the same way and I wanted to stop you but communication and my pride
...and I thought I loved her" I nodded "thats all I needed to hear...and by the way I never thought we were better off apart then together and I never wanted anyone else but hey some things just end that way I trusted you to do exactly what you do I gave you the benefit of the doubt ignored what everyone said...and gave you my all but deep down there was always that fear what if he breaks my heart and cheats, treats me like the rest do everyythinggg thats in your reputation and you did just that but its fine because thats just you and there is nothing I could do to change you so dont blame me for your actions I didnt put a gun to your head and tell you to fuck her it was all YOU and thats what i had to realize so I could move on and be happy again that it wasn't me..it was you" I shrugged and turned away before i started tearing up I dont get how he can just have hurt me so bad the way he did and not seem to give one fuck... and I went to get breakfast started and right on que Kenzo walked downstairs into the kitchen "hi mommas babyy" I bent down putting my arms out as he ran and gave me a tight hug. He looked over at Prince "hug" "sure man" he walked over giving Prince a hug too such a sweet baby. I went back to making breakfast while Kenzo sat on his lap playing "I see you on TV you play drum too" "yeah I hear you like to play as well" "lets go play" he hopped off his lap running his little legs into the living room.