Her Guardian (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

83: There is nothing holding me back.

"'Cause if we lost our minds and we took it way too far, I know we'd be alright, I know we would be alright. If you were by my side and we stumbled in the dark,I know we'd be alright, I know we would be alrigh."

Song: There is nothing holding me back. 
Artist: Shawn Mendes.

Anastasia' POV:

The beautiful blue sky above me felt peaceful, by contrast my messy black thoughts which were driving me crazy. The quiet atmosphere was so peaceful, getting deep into your soul to clarify your emotions; however not for my broken-hearted soul which was absolutely making me go nut. The warm breeze hit my cold skin which make goosebumps to rise suddenly; letting the reality sink in an get ride of those thoughts. However, lately I preferred to drown into illusion of dreams rather than the brutality of my reality.

I let my sore arms to support my weight to push my body off the laying towel, then I took off my sunglasses and let my eyes to drink in the beautiful view of Los Angles before my eyes. I felt so glad to get the chance to be in this place, it was like heaven to me. Beside me was a huge pool; reminding me of my first swim; back in New York. With him.

Fuck, stop it Anastasia, be strong.

I cursed and thought to myself. I link everything around me to him. It feels like he Is the reason of my living, the reason why I'm still breathing and willing to live. I thoughts about suicide many times, them sleepless nights were very hard on me, physically and emotionally. The pain I felt was indescribable, I couldn't bare it any more, life was my enemy at that moment; and death became the only solution of my agony.

Whenever I got the audacity to make an end to my misery; his forest green eyes pop right in front of me, making me stop my hideous attempt and fall in love with him all over again. I was tired, so tired to the point I wasn't able to bear the pain any more, any longer. My thoughts were all about him; dreams and even daydreams. The different parties I attended with Colton; along with the different activities we shared at home weren't enough to take my mind off him. In fact, they reminded me of him. Every single night of partying; wearing fancy dresses; watching a movie or even sharing a story reminded me of what we previously shared. His existence simply haunted me. Following me like a shadow; which I wasn't able to escape. 

It was very clear, right before my eyes the day when my eyes caught his for the first time; at his house; in his living room. The way his green eyes drank away my appearance was terrifying. The shame that washes his feature back then was very clear; and I couldn't stop or even forget about that day. The day my whole life changed, the day I met the love of my life. The day I met the person who I gladly sinned with, who I explored the real meaning of life with; the person who became everything I have; and will have.

Beside that, every single memory we shared was present through my mind without deny. Making me realize he was the one I crave, and need. He was the only person I loved and who was there for me after my mother's death. My mother's death. God how it was hard for me to believe it, and process everything. I missed her so much, and would kill to have her into my arms again. It was the most horrifying and unbelievably sad day of my life when I realized that she was dead. Obviously found dead. Although Harry and his friends always denied this; it was pretty obvious. I still remember the day when I first when to see her in the hospital with Harry. The day when I met the devil I call my father. I could still remember the sarcasm through his voice, and the selfishness of his act. He was a pure evil in a shape of a man; a man that I wouldn't call a man due to his wrecked intentions and crave for money and power. An absolute asshole; who threw his family into fire in order to love a happy life afterward.