your eyes. ;; changlix

.well

"hyung is sorry." changbin cried into felix shoulder. "why are you sorry?" felix answered. they were whispering for no reason, they were alone in their room. changbin has been crying for hours and there was so sign of him stopping any time soon. "b-because i said i-i'd make sure that n-no one has to g-go!" felix didn't say anything, just rubbed the older's back. "it's okay, hyung. it's okay." felix mumbled.

changbin thought it was ridiculous to eliminate felix for such a dumb reason. he hated himself, he should've helped felix more with everything. but he didn't and no matter how much he'd apologize, that wouldn't turn back time. it wouldn't make it okay.

"hyung, stop crying or i'm gonna cry with you again." felix said, his hands grabbing changbin's shirt. "don't. don't cry." changbin sobbed and then wiped his tears, before letting go of felix and looking at the younger. "why are you okay?" changbin asked, still tears in his eyes.

"i told you i knew i'd get eliminated, remember? except for that am i not really okay." the boy answered. changbin shook his head. "felix...i...i'm really sorry." the older one said, almost tearing up again, but felix shook his head and smiled. but changbin looked in his eyes and something was missing. the shine that he used to have when he looked at changbin was gone. "i'm gonna pack my bag, okay?" felix got up and took his bag from under the bed, before putting his clothes into it and then his stuffed animal.

suddenly the door opened and jeongin rushed in, eyes red. he ran straight into felix arms, hugging him tight. "i-i'm sorry that i-i called you that, hyung!" the maknae cried. "it's okay, jeongin. don't cry." felix said, rubbing the younger's back, before letting go. "sh, don't cry, okay? look at you, you're eyes are gonna be super swollen tomorrow, stop crying." felix continued, wiping jeongin's tears with his thumb. seeing the way felix was there for everyone, made changbin so sad, that he started crying again. but not like before, he just silently watched the two, with tears running down his cheek. and the door opened again, pushing jeongin out of the room with the words "woojin and hyunjin are waiting for you, jeonginnie." chan entered.

he hugged felix, trying to control his emotions. but changbin knew. chan's eyes said it all. "always find me, hm? i'm not gonna leave you behind." chan said, in english. felix nodded. "i'm pretty sure we'll see each other again anyway, don't you think? it's not like we're gonna live a hundred miles apart." felix said, first looking at chan and then at me. chan nodded, hugged felix again and then left then room, leaving the two alone again.

"i told you to stop crying, hyung. you're making it worse." felix said, his voice cracking. felix thought changbin didn't notice. changbin did. when it came to felix, he always listened to what he had to say and he always paid attention of felix way of speaking, of his voice. "you can't start crying, felix." changbin said, wiping his own tears away and then looking at the boy who was standing in front of him. "i-i'm trying my best not to, hyung. i don't wanna make this sadder than it already is. i'm gonna miss this so much. i'm gonna miss you. all of you." felix said, rubbing his eyes, before continuing to pack his stuff, when he changbin suddenly held his hand and stopped him, before changbin hugged him. "stop. i can't watch you do that, lix." changbin whispered, and felix nodded.

the next day, changbin woke up and felix was gone. he immediately got up and ran into the kitchen, to see the members sitting there. "where is he?" he asked, but no one said anything, instead hyunjin walked into changbin's arms, crying. he hugged the younger back, but was still looking at chan. "where?" he asked again, this time no one else, he asked chan. "he's gone, changbin. he left before you woke up." chan finally said. "w-why?" chan sighted, before getting up and walking towards hyunjin and changbin. hyunjin let go of changbin and sat back down, while chan placed a hand on changbin's shoulder. "he said saying goodbye to you would hurt too much, so he just left." chan answered.

they all waited for changbin to react, but there was nothing, no reaction coming from him. he just pushed chan's hand of his shoulder and sat down.

they expected changbin to cry or to be mad, but he couldn't. changbin didn't feel anything. he wasn't able to see felix eyes shine one last time.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️
— 아직 너는 그 때 모습 그대로일까
내가 기억하는 모습 그대로일까
그 때 붙잡았다면
넌 여전히 사랑스런 눈으로
아직 날 바라보고 있을까

ThiS SOnG Is STUCK IN MY HEAD OMG

and except that all i can think about is felix's "verse 2"

happy new year my dudes ✨