I been hella inactive on this account but YK w/e. Merry late ass Christmas and shiznit. I definitely wanna just catch y'all up. I will have to dedicate a whole chapter to an experience I just had that helped me a lot. I am still single. I honestly am fine with that but if a nigga wan' change that then Ayyy (cardi b laugh) go on 'head.
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my current appearance as of the end of December 2017. That highlight betta have y'all SHOOOK. I went to the mall to get it the other day and (oh my fucking god the amount of cute ass guys that visit Philadelphia Mills is just 👌🏽. ) I was in H&M (just looking cause a b was broke as muhfucka due to me spending my whole $200+ at a whole other mall. (Neshaminy Mall.)
In the store there were these 2 cute guys like following me around the store and I was scared to holla at em bc I for one, cannot flirt while nervous, and two, did not want to risk them being straight. the struggles of finding a top in Philadelphia.
This is the start of my finding love rant.
First, I'm a fire sign (Aries- April 18) therefore most of the guys I meet are damn water signs. I dated a water sign. Worst. Decision. In. My. Life. Anyway, so even if it isn't a water sign, we just...never click.
I have not met a person exactly like me and that's my problem. I mean how is it hard to find a guy who is like hood/urban/city aesthetic as fuck? Wait. How am I in love with my city when I don't leave my house?
I don't do long distance anymore, another thing I hated. If I cannot be held by the other guy, I will be angry.
Like I have a love interest now and honest-uhmu-ly I really don't even like him like I used to.
He's pansexual and says I'm not his type LMAOOO. how many times have I heard that one? Enough to buy makeup at sephora if I got a dollar every time. That's never a proper excuse because I definitely wasn't bothered by him being 5 inches shorter than me. Being 5'7 and submissive is difficult when all you do is get taller. Stay short, damn it.
I hate loving myself now. I'm called a whole bitch and conceited and vain and et cetera.
What am I supposed to do? Phish for compliments but saying "I'm fucking ugly I see why I'm single" which I do wanna say as of right now but I know guys just want one thing and I'm talking bout both the homos and the hets. And that is *drumroll*
someone who displays themselves in a vulgar way!
A few times I have wanted to do that but then I remembered I AM 13! NOT 18! I should not see 14-16 year olds poking they ass out in front of a mirror thinking that shit is cute. No. Thank. You. I don't care if you're parents let you. If you're a boy. If you're a girl. If you identify as a bathroom sink. Or if you were told it's cute.
I mean cough. Let people live their lives. Which isn't an excuse to shake your fucking ass on Instagram HONEY. that's borderline child porn.
Save this generation please. Switching subject. I'm not gonna be alone forever. Most guys who are in the closet come out in highschool, and in highschool I'm not closeted. I know who I am. I know what I like and why I do, because it seems appetizing to me.
My head feels like it's spinning too. Idk why.
I am optimistic about my future love life.
I am beautiful
I am handsome
I am smart
I am amazing.
I know my front tooth still has a small chip
I know my waist isn't as slim as I want it.
I know my stomach isn't flat.
I know I'm 5'7 and 150 pounds
I know stomach creases when I'm sitting like it's supposed to.
I know I have a slight lazy eye
I know my waist doesn't transition into my hips perfectly because of not so well fat distribution.
But I love my body and my features because everyone else does not have all of them combined.
ALSO BEING THICK IS LIT. BEING FAT IS OKAY AS LONG AS YOU ARE TRYING TO BETTER YOUR EATING HABITS. KNOW THAT WEIGHT GAIN CAN ALSO BE CAUSED BY HORMONE IMBALANCES AND NOT BY UNHEALTHY HABITS. YOUR BODY MAKES YOU UNIQUE. I LOVE ALL OF YOU
