If you're wondering if i spent that day thinking about her and what happened well ....then you're right who am i liying to ?
I just been thinking about how she's been so cold to me when i only tryed to be nice !
So to keep it simple ....i liked her since day one !
You might be smiling like "duh i knew it" but i liked her to be my friend !
See you're wrong !!!....
And yes boys are allowed to like girls as friends !
And yes we're not all thursty!
And most important , yes ... We still do exist !
I wasn't sure about my choice , but i was always optimistic !
For a while , i was noticing her , wich would sound creepy or weird or even as stalking her , but all i did was notice her acts, her way of speech , her look for different people and her opinion towards differents situation !
It should be easy since she's my classmate ......
Yeaaah , right !
More like mission unachievable !
She had no friends and she didn't like people much ......well , now that won't make it hard on me at all !
She just wanted to study , focus in class and then get back home ! Period !!
For me , i spent weeks and even months trying to get to know her but ..... She won't let me or anyone else !
She had a white skin , but a dark soul! She was light and darkness at the same time ! She was her own savior and her own devil !
Her face was made to light up with smile but repression is all what took over her facial cues .
All that was going on in my head that i wanted to help her !
To me i could see her clearly for inside !
She's stuck !!
For her that was good and comfortable !
Rose didn't realise that she was stuck in a shell she created for herself !
Rose was never supposed to be stuck in her wounds , wounds that'll never heal , never be forgotten by any means !
But hidding inside a caconne of your creation will make it ooze through your being untill it... Changes your nature, your attitude !!
I was taken so much by the philosophy that i created for her , that i barely came to a realisation that the school year was almost over and i did nothing except talking to her only a few times !
I wouldn't choose a better time to freak out !
I did nothing and i barely got to know her !
One month left till the end of the year , sitting cozy under my blanket in my room , holding a hot cup of tea and watching TV but all i did was repeating in my head
_" why are you so dedicated to this just let it go man you'll make new friends soon ...why giving her this much of attention "
And all of a sudden , it took my attention for a moment a quote an actor said in a movie i can't even recall his name anymore
" you can close your eyes for the things you don't want to see but you cannot close your heart to the things you don't want to feel"
At that moment i came to a realisation , i'm feeling the need to help myself to rescue my soul and to ressuruct my existance by helping her .....it's not even a need it's a must !
Not only for me but i needed to make people happy i needed to put a smile on their faces !
It was all clear for me now that my goal is to make her happy !
Even though i had no feels for her back then i only intended to make a friend raise among people and be glad to call me " a true pal "
But why her ? Why not anyone else ?
Well , this part beats me ! I guess god have plans that we're not allowed to question them !
With more determination to know her more and to get her to share her feels more and make some friends , i was going to make it all happen except that school time was over and summer was on ......
