Edward makes the decision to leave Katnis after he almost lost control of himself.
Katnis is hurt, heart broken even, by his departure but she understands why he left. He wanted to protect her from himself.
One month after The Cullen's leave Forks...
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Katnis was seated next to Peeta, with his arm around her waist and his thumb rubbing circles on her bare skin, with her head rested on his shoulder. She was exhausted. She hadn't been sleeping very well lately. She'd been having nightmares about the Cullen's all of a sudden and she didn't know why.
Every dream was different but only one thing stayed the same: Cullen died. Whether it was him being beheaded, set on fire, ripped apart and set on fire...he always ended up being the one who doesn't survive.
Because of her.
He was always dying in order to save her life, to protect her. He risked everything, even his life, to make sure she still had a life to live. And after each nightmare, she'd wake up sweating, breathing rather erratically with a fear in her heart so strong that she'd swear her heart stopped beating with every breath she took.
If she didn't know any better, she'd swear that the fear she felt in her heart every time she woke was from fear of living in a world where Cullen no longer existed in. But that can't be it, right? I couldn't still care that much about him....could I?
Despite everything that has happened, she sure as hell didn't want Cullen dead. Especially, not because of her. She'd never forgive herself.
Suddenly, images of Cullen being ripped apart flashed in her mind and caused her to jump away from Damon. Her heart was beating erratically in her ears and she suddenly couldn't catch her breath. She looked around the room, ignoring the concern looks and worried tones of her friends, Damon and Bella. She couldn't hear anything but the sound of her heart beating. She then pushed to her feet and quickly climbed over the bench.
"Katnis -"
She waved them off. "Leave me alone!" she shouted and took off out of the cafeteria doors and into the student parkinglot.
Katnis couldn't tell you how long she had been running but she didn't stop until her legs felt like jello and she tripped over a thick branch and fell hitting her head on a fallen tree in front of a creek. Groaning slightly, she pushed herself up and pushed herself back against the fallen tree and just stared out at the creek in front of her. She tried to think of any and everything else but the images of a dead Cullen but she couldn't. Her mind wouldn't let her.
It was in that moment that she felt the tears swell up in her eyes. She tried to fight them back, to ignore them, but she failed. The tears ran streams down her face and her heart started working overtime as her breathing grew shallow. She ran her fingers through her hair then covered her face with her hands and just let it out. All of it. All of the anger, the pain, the hurt, the love and the fear. Everything she felt towards Cullen and even the pain of losing her mother rushed out of her as she cried, her body shaking.
Her lungs hurt. Her throat hurt. Even her eyes hurt from all the crying she'd done. Katnis couldn't remember the last time she really cried. She been keeping so much bottled up, keeping her feelings of heartbreak and anger to herself, that she forgot how cleansing crying could be. She felt somewhat lighter than before.
She took a deep breath and slowly let it out as her head slowly drifted to the sky.
"Mom, I'm so so so sorry," she breathed out. "I'm so sorry, about everything. I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. I was supposed to be there for you, to protect you and I let you down." she gasped.
Her heart felt heavy once again as she let the reality of what had happened that faithful night rush over her like a tsunami. She still couldn't believe the world was full of men, and women, that could break into someone's home and kill them in cold blood without hesitation. She was also confused as to why God would allow her mother to be taken from her and her sister, why he would allow her to witness her own mothers murder.
"Why? Why would you do this to me!" she screamed at the sky. "Why did you take my mother from me! Why?"
She forced herself onto her feet, a glare now etched across her face. "What kind of father let's his child witness their mothers death? Huh? Was there a reason? Was there supposed to be a lesson behind it?" she snapped. "She was my mother! She was supposed to be here when I get married, when I gave birth and when I needed her! You took her from me! You let my last image of her be one of despair!" she screamed.
"Katnis." came a familiar voice.
Katnis spun around, a bit to quickly, and fell to the ground before he could catch her. When he moved towards her, she spotted away from him, her eyes never leaving his face.
Cullen smelled her blood before he saw the cut on her head. "Katnis, you're bleeding." he stepped forward.
"What do you want?" she asked.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay." he said.
"Don't I look okay?" she said and moved to her feet.
"No, you look - broken." he admitted.
Katnis looked at him then turned her back to him and moved closer to the creek. "Well, that happens when you've had your heart broken twice in less than two years." she mumbled.
Cullen cautiously moved in her direction, coming to a stop beside her. "Katnis, what I did -" he stopped when she lifted a hand to stop him.
"Don't bother, Cullen. It won't change anything," she said as she kicked a rock into the water. "Can you just go back to your family and leave me alone?"
Cullen didn't want to upset her, so he turned away and started to leave but something stopped him. Maybe it was his conscience wanting to clear the air or maybe it was his cold dead heart that still yearned for her, either way, he had to get something off of his chest.
He turned back around and took an unnecessary breath. "No."
