Nightingale (Sequel to Solider Boy)

Seventy

After about an hour, Bucky made his way outside onto the small terrace, the chatter of the impromptu engagement party continuing on inside. Clint and Sam were gone, but Scott and Wanda remained, conversing with Melody who was trying to explain why suturing grapes was normal. It wasn't going so well either from what Bucky could here.

"Hey pal," Steve's voice chimed behind him and there was a slam of a sliding glass door. "Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all," Steve's presence was one he could enjoy right now without being overwhelmed. Bucky liked the rest of the rouge heroes pretty well, but the last two days had been pretty intense and he wanted a bit of room to breathe. There was a scraping of  chair against the patio and Steve grunted as he sat down into the metal chair. 

"You get enough to eat?"

"Yeah, I did. Thanks for asking." Steve sighed. "You doing okay? You look tired."

"Just a lot to take in and not a lot of time to do it."

"You want us to leave?" 

"No, this is actually nice. Having all of us together to talk about something normal and happy instead of death and the end of the world. I'm just brooding." Bucky grinned in spite of himself. "I'm just...I still can't believe any of this. I know it's happening, I know it's real but it's not hitting me yet." 

He looked over his shoulder through the glass at Melody, she was no longer suturing, but handing the tool over to Scott who had an enthusiastic grin on his face while hers was skeptical. "I still have no idea how this happened. I don't know how I got so lucky." He looked away from the scene in the kitchen, still smiling but Steve didn't return it. "Steve?"

"Sorry," he shook his head, as though trying to clear something away. "I'm just distracted."

He didn't looked distracted, he looked sad, worn out. Bucky knew that look pretty well, he'd seen it plenty of times before when he looked in the mirror. "Are you okay? You look terrible."

"Gee, thanks."

"You know what I mean."

"I'll be fine, I'm just..." Steve groaned, running a hand down his face. "The world has been a giant mess for me, for a really long time. First, it was the war, then it was going into the ice and waking up in a different century and then there was the aliens, S.H.I.E.L.D. falling, finding you and loosing you again, Ultron and more recently Zemo and-."

"And we're all fine," Bucky finished. "We're alive, we're safe and we're happy." 

"For now," he said flatly, "You and everyone else are alive, safe and happy for now."

"You're not happy?" Steve's exclusion of himself didn't go unnoticed. 

"I want to be," he admitted, slouching forwards and locking his hands together. "But all I can think about is that things are great, so when's the next evil thing going to fall out of the sky and wreck havoc?" His tone was biting with sarcasm and Bucky winced. "I'm too worried to be happy."

"I can tell and it's a little surprising." Steve gave him a look and Bucky shrugged. "If I would've had to guess, it would've been me worrying too much to be happy and you trying to cheer me up."

"Fair," Steve agreed after a moment. "So I have to ask; what's your secret? How are you staying so calm? Why aren't you waiting for the sky to fall?"

"Well," Bucky looked over his shoulder, back at Melody who'd departed from the table and started on the dishes while Scott was still attempting to suture fruit. "I guess I already had that moment. "I almost lost her. Unless you start dying on me, nothing is ever going to be as scary as that was." He shrugged, "I already hit my ten."