After the rain

Last lap

  The sunlight has gotten a little harsh, but that's okay. All will take place in an air conditioned room. It would be fine, wouldn't it?

    Somehow everyone seemed alert. 

  Many molecules floating around. The scenery before me dyed in an array of colours.

  People cramming in knowledge at the eleventh hour. 

  From my corner, staring out at the single lane streaming into our neighborhood.

  To the fat man dress in blue and white, sealed with a tie, trying to calm himself down. 

  The nerd in  glasses looking for his seat in the big hall, on a sheet of paper.

  The doors swung open and the people rushed in like a flood. Then settled quickly like dust to the grave. The hundred blue dots looked the same under the strong light above, shining its brightest since the day I stepped in more than a year ago. The school logo hanging above us all on the stage. The teachers staring at our misery.

  I did not see Daniel, let alone Skye.

  But Jenni was right in front of me. She smiled at me seconds before we began.

  It was not sinister, that shocked me.

  And the teacher told us that we could begin.

  A thousand math formulas filled my head, but only a few were necessary. So which one shall I use? Some questions require more than one formula, others can be solved by either formula. And there were a thousand different formulas that I had not learnt.

——————————————————————————————————————————

  Two weeks later, the cycle was broken. It had finally ended.

 It was raining on the last day, I walked home alone.

  Without an umbrella.

  Somehow, I arrived at home. Then I realised one thing.

  My life never changed. It was the same as ever, with or without the stress and pressure.

  My spirit was still somewhere I could not go. Somewhere I could never go. Somewhere I would've wanted to go.

  Until I could find it and free it, my life would be meaningless. That was what everything was trying to tell me.

  From the infinite sky to the dying star miles away. From the amoeba next to me to the brain cells that never regenerate. Everything would turn to dust some day.

  So why did it matter. Where was the point of trying to be the top student in economics? And Skye, so what if she was important?

  But the prospect of her disappearing was not only troubling, it was too dreadful to imagine.

  There was nothing left for me to do once my exams were over. Their disappearance only highlighted the nothingness in me. They were useful as distractions, excuses to pretend to be doing something productive.

  In the end, I could not find what I wanted so desperately. I worked so tirelessly but all it did was cover it up with a mountain of lies.

  So what if you become a beggar? You'll die anyway, and when you do, you'll forget everything, even yourself.

  Until I could find myself again.

  ————-——————————————————————————————

  The sky was crying again. It poured water on the earth. I often wondered if the earth hated the sky for hurting her but the sky would not be the sky without the earth and similarly the earth would not be what it is today if not for the rain.

  People like the out themselves in other people's shoes.

  I would not be Len if I hadn't come to this school.

  I would not be Len if my parents were dead.

  I would not be Len if they never had my sister.

  And Daniel, and Skye, even Luke and Jenni, people who have helped me, hurt me, but most importantly they've accompanied me through this journey that will lead to dust.

  And without them, there would be a huge hole in my heart. That was love, wasn't it? To cherish someone. Just as we are cherished by our parents, we cherish our friends.

  The sky was clear. I had found a hint.