Annabel
Sometimes all you need is to just get away from everything. Just to be by yourself, away from people, and think about everything in your life.
I definitely needed that. I needed time to myself. For so long I had been around people. Whether it was Harry, Emily, Josh, my mum, or any of the boys. I almost felt as if I was being suffocated and I was dying for a breath.
The night after Emily and Louis' anniversary party, I decided that I just needed a day for myself. I really just needed to clear my head and decide what exactly I wanted.
I was leaving California in three days, and I had no clue what was going to happen when I got back to London.
Josh and I had not spoken about it once, although I knew the thought was on his mind. Are we going to stay in touch? Are we going to be something more? Are we going to become strangers? Or are we going to have a future?
I'm not so sure. I like Josh. He's funny, sweet, charming, cute. He's just about everything I ever looked for in a guy. We get along perfectly. But maybe that's what scares me.
We get along too perfectly.
Then there's Harry. Stubborn, stubborn Harry. I'm not so sure if he knows what he wants either. Which is crazy, because he could have anything he wanted.
After we sung together, that entire night he was down-in-the-dumps. He had a sad look on his face, and actually ended up leaving early. And I knew I was the one who caused it. I mean, who else could it have been? Surely not Lyla, since he wasn't on his phone that entire day. And I know he saw me kiss Josh.
I wasn't meaning to hurt him. I really wasn't. But, he kind of deserves it after all the pain he has put me through, even if he didn't realize it.
He drives me crazy. He knows how to dig under my skin and really irritate me, yet I can't help but be completely head over heels for him. With his irresistable charm and his goofiness. His smile. His flaws. Everything about him drives me insane.
So; what do I choose?
I have no fucking clue, to be honest.
Maybe I should just be single forever. And live alone with 30 cats. Yeah, that sounds pretty good.
I thought a lot about my dad that day. He's been gone for a while now, but I still remember every little detail about him.
I miss him and being able to see him every day. I miss going fishing with him. I miss riding on his lap when he drove, letting me steer. I miss watching TV with him. I miss his advice he'd give me.
I just miss him.
If he were here right now, I know I could count on him. I knew he'd be able to give me advice, but I think a part of me already knew what he would say.
"Just do what your heart tells you, sweetheart."
But that's so difficult when I don't know what my heart is saying! Sometimes I think that is such bullshit. How am I suppose to know?
I guess that's just the way life is suppose to be. There's going to be obstacles and people getting in the way of what you want, but you just have to push through it. And the end, everything will fall into place.
Right?
I don't know.
I did have a really nice day to myself, though. I woke up extremely early, before anyone else was awake, and left the hotel.
First I went to Starbucks. I stayed there for a while, drinking my coffee and just seeing all the different types of people come in. Most of them were business people off to work, but occasionally there'd be an elder couple or some teenagers ready for school.
