Annabel Smith
Four Months Later
Sometimes change is a good thing. An extremely good thing.
People tend to change for the better. With either an event happening, someone telling you something you didn't want to hear, or just not feeling good about yourself at all could decide for you that it is indeed time for a change.
This could range anywhere from changing your looks or even changing your personality.
I used to think at one time that people never changed. They were who they were, and they stayed like that forever. Sure, they could make changes to themselves, but they could never actuallychange their feelings on the inside.
I never thought that until it happened to me.
I decided it about four months ago. About two weeks after the incident with Harry, everything just seemed to change all around me.
Of course I had been moping around for days afterwards. My daily routine becoming school, work, eat, sleep. That's it. My life became dull and lifeless.
And I was the one who let it get that way. I was the one who let myself get that low because of a boy, even though I was the one to break it off. How does that even happen?
I guess that's really just how strong my feelings are for him. Yes, are. Of course I'm still not over him, even after four months. Four long, dreadful months.
Maybe I should recap everything that had exactly happened.
One week after the day Harry left my house, I barely saw him at school. It went from seeing him only in the mornings, to lunch, to only one passing period. Then, gradually, he stopped coming to school altogether.
We weren't speaking at all anymore, but I still talked to the boys. Emily and Louis were still together, of course, so I still had some sort of connection to the curly haired boy.
Turns out, Harry quit public school for home-schooling. With only three and a half months left before we graduated college, he decides to just leave?
A part of me couldn't help but feel like I had a major part in that decision. The few times I would see him, he would look at with such sadness, such depression, that it was almost unbearable to even look into his eyes.
The bags on his face were unusually dark, his posture slumped, always dressing in sweatpants and hoodies, barely even living. Lifeless. Did I really cause that?
The boys would tell me he's fine and that he's getting better, but I could never truly believe it until I saw it for myself, but I never got the chance. He rarely tweeted. He barely spoke in interviews. He always just seemed in a daze in pictures I saw of him.
The truth is, Harry changed me. He changed me in a way only I could understand.
Even after all the pain and sadness he put me through, I still managed to be completely in love with him. My feelings still always managed to grow stronger and stronger.
Many days I'll think back to that day and totally regret my decision. Wish that I would have just accepted his apology without anything else to say, but let's face it, I'm not the kind of girl to do that.
So I just embraced what had happened, and lived with it. Each day I get better and better, and I'm honestly getting back to that happy, carefree state.
I was no longer Annabel Smith; the bubbly, energetic, always full-of-life, happy, live-with-no-regrets kind of girl.
I was now Annabel Smith; the girl who got her heart broken. The girl with the rough past. The girl who took one step at a time, day by day. The girl who now looked in the present, and rarely in the future. The scarred girl, but still smart.
