JaDine Visuals

Correct fix

I wanted to write angst but James and Nadine have been too malandi lately so I couldn't write about them, so I turned to Gio and Joanne. Enjoy.

I was broken. We both were.

Another common denominator was that we were both reluctant to admit it. Whether it be admitting it to those who cared enough to ask or just admitting it to ourselves even.

Not letting ourselves be conscious of the fact that we were broken was like a burning pain in our chests that grew stronger and more harmful as the days went by of us refusing to acknowledge it, refusing to visit a doctor to get it checked up. But when we finally choose to, it's already too late. The sickness had become too deadly, much bigger precautions needing to be dealt with.

When you are broken, but you are in denial that you are very much so, it doesn't take long before you become broken beyond repair. You run out of solutions.

Until you meet that person, I guess. That person you hoped could fix you. You hoped until you awaken in realization that nobody could fix you. Nobody but yourself.

That person for me was, Gio. And I was his.

We were happy.

We were each other's worlds.

We were in love. "Recklessly in love" as others would say, but we ignored them. We were in love.

"Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them." A quote I had heard in one of my favourite movies, Dreams for an Insomniac.

I love you.

I love you.

I'll never not love you.

I guess you could say we bonded over our "sob stories." We had both found immense comfort in each other, comforted by the fact that we would no longer deal with our pains and grief alone.

We fell in love fast, but it felt nothing like either of us had ever felt before. In each other's eyes, we were the perfect boyfriend and perfect girlfriend. I would make sure he ate on time, occasionally bringing him food when I could, made sure he took his vitamins. He would pick me up from the boarding house and take me to work, occasionally bring me food for lunch too, then at night, he'd pick me up from work and take me home. He did this everyday.

He made me laugh. I made him laugh.

He made me smile. I made him smile.

We strived to fix each other. We strived to mend our broken hearts, our broken souls. We strived to complete each other. We strived to pick each other's shattered pieces, never caring if picking them up meant that the sharp edges could prick our fingers and make us bleed. We strived to be better for each other.

We strived so much for each other. But, did we ever strive this much for ourselves?

But we never noticed this, too caught in our happy bubble of each other.

We never paid attention to how toxic our relationship had become, or maybe we did. Maybe we did, but it was too painful to acknowledge because we were happy.

People around us said that we were going to fast, that we were going to be each other's greatest downfall, that it wouldn't hurt to slow down. But, we never listened. We thought it was us against the world.

When you become so broken that it seems to be impossible to repair, you cling onto the first person you believe can fix you.

They were right. We were slowly becoming each other's downfalls. 

What used to be a smooth sailing relationship was slowly falling apart at it's seams. 

Because when two broken people, people as broken as us, attempt to fix each other, they're bound to crash and burn. 

And crash and burn, we did.

We had become so dependent on each other, put each other on such high pedestals that if ever something was to go wrong, we would fight. They started off as small, petty fights, getting bigger and bigger.

Broken can't fix the broken. Because as you attempt to fix and glue their pieces together, your own start to fall apart. And vice versa. It then becomes an endless cycle of fixing something you will never have the complete capability of fixing. It was like trying to hammer a nail with a screwdriver, when it is something only a hammer can do. Nobody but yourself could fix you.

As we continued to fight and fight, we slowly came to the realization that this was no longer working for us. We had grown tired attempting to fix together pieces, we knew we never could. Like I said, Broken can't fix the broken.

It had been a mutual decision. Probably the best decision we had ever made for ourselves, since meeting each other. We both decided that we would go our separate ways. 

We would go our separate ways. Take our time to heal ourselves. Alone. Alone but sure. 

I would miss him. I would miss him so much. But, this venture to find ourselves was something that was essential for us to be whole again. 

And who knows? Maybe one day. One day, when both of us have healed and are no longer broken, we could meet again. If that was what is in store for us. 

There's really no such thing as being broken beyond repair. Not if you have the correct fix. 

Authors note: Hope you guys enjoyed! Sorry for some mishaps in my use of tense, it's something i'm still working on to improve. Thank you for reading!