WE MIGHT FALL (J.SNOW 2)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CYNTHIA WAS REALLY COLD THAT NIGHT. Not a surprise given how long she had spent out in the wind and the rain, earlier that day, but no amount of fires or blankets seemed to do any good at warming her trembling frame while she lay in bed that evening. Frea had said that if she felt ill in the morning they would send for the maester, because Cynthia did not feel like attending supper that evening - both because she was not hungry and because she did not wish to face Jon either. Though her mother obviously thought she was unwell. Cynthia did not, even, want to talk to a maester as her mother had suggested. She wanted to remain on her own, if that were even possible. 

While sitting in her room on her own, Cynthia decided to write to Livia in order to tell her all that had happened today. There was hardly any time in which her and Livia were not ending letters back and forth, relaying what had occurred without the other's company. But this felt even more significant, for the obvious reason that the man Cynthia loved had come back from beyond the grave. If she was not conflicted in all of her emotions, she might have thought to ask about how that had been possible, instead being left to ponder on the impossibility of the whole situation. 

However, in writing to Livia about Jon's magnificent return, she could not help but feel bad. As if she were adding salt to an almost healed wound. Almost. Robb had died and not come back; and that had been two years ago now. And Livia had been left to mourn for her lost love for all of that time, not ever quite recovering. Whereas Cynthia had a whole fortnight of feeling the emptiness of losing Jon, before he magically returned to her. That did not seem fair. Robb deserved to come back, deserved to live and fight like the noble man he had been. And Livia deserved to have him back in her life. She deserved to love again. But it would appear that Cynthia and Jon were the lucky ones in all of this; not the ones that deserved it more. 

Thinking about it, Cynthia missed Robb now more than she had realised. She could remember a time in which she and Robb discussed affairs of the heart like they knew each other well enough to give advice - and some parts of them did, they had bonded very quickly over nothing and had learnt enough about each other to become sudden friends. He had noticed her attraction to Jon before she had, Cynthia realised, and he had been the one she felt as if she could talk to on the matter. One of the last times she had ever spoken to him had been about Jon - the day he had left for the Wall. And now, with all that was going on, Cynthia missed her close friend and his wise words which he might offer in that current moment. She often thought of their conversations, about Livia and Jon, how pointless they seemed now, looking back. 

  "You and my brother seem awfully close," Robb remarked, his smile shifting more into a cocky, knowing grin, which Cynthia, if she were not so busy blushing, might have thought about slapping off. "We outsiders must stick together." She brushed it off, however, hoping her feelings, which were yet to be understood even by herself, would go unnoticed. "Outsiders?" Robb frowned now, obviously confused as to how Cynthia, who was almost the spitting image of her father and siblings, could be deemed an outsider. "He's the bastard, and I'm...well, not at all alike the rest of my family," She shrugged. "You believe that, but I see similarities in you and your sister; quite regularly in fact I have noticed how you too are very alike." Robb insisted, nudging into Cynthia's shoulder with his own.   

"Speaking of my sister," Cynthia hummed, stroking Ghost absentmindedly: "How are you both?" She waggled an eyebrow, in the hopes her teasing and prying into Robb's love life would distract him from conversing about her own, if it were to be addressed as a love life, at all. "Well enough. It is difficult to distinguish if she has taken a liking to me, or whether she is happy at the colour of her dress, on any given occasion." The pair laughed, knowing well that those traits sounded a lot like the Livia they both knew. "Coming from her sister, I have not before seen Livia so delighted in the presence of a man - as I can assure you, her wardrobe has not been updated in nearing a year, therefore whatever dresses she may wear are not anything as exciting as her feelings towards you." They chuckled a bit more, until Robb smiled distantly and nodded. "I hope you find the same happiness one day, Cyn. You deserve something like I have found." "A new dress?" Cynthia giggled, and watched as Robb's face brightened at their shared joke: "Thank you, Robb. But I doubt I could ever find such luck as my sister," He smiled at that, a kind of smile Cynthia had seen in her brother - adoration, she hoped, or just appreciation for such kind words. Either way, she truly did like Robb.