sunshine // fillie

- fifteen -

"you should marvel at how marvellous you really are"

millie

my family left this morning. the shock that they were planning on leaving me to go back to england hadn't really worn off yet but I had come to at least accept it.

I was quiet for most of the morning and I think my mother noticed because she kept asking me if I was okay. I was fine, just hurt. 

I got dressed in ankle length jeans and a plain pink t-shirt and didn't even bother brushing my hair, I just threw it into a ponytail. I left the makeup out of it all as well.

"morning sunshine" finn smiled widely as I climbed into his car. I loved when he picked me up, at least.

"excited for the day?" I half smiled at his sweet attempt to cheer me up. 

"no, but I love you anyways" I smiled and shook my head, looking down at the floor of his car.

"we'll have a blast, don't worry" he smiled, and I knew he wasn't lying.

school was boring today, we didn't do much and I didn't care if we did, I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be out with the stars in the sky and back on the little clearing at finn's lake house.

after school, finn came over and brought a plethora of new music, which cheered me up, I loved that this boy knew where my happy places were.

later that evening, sadie and caleb came over, which led to gaten and noah joining us as well. I liked having everyone around, we always had fun together.

"do you guys want to go swimming?" caleb asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

I agreed after he explained that his pool was heated, and so did the rest. even though it was getting late, we still knew that while my parents were gone we got to all have fun together.

I threw my bathing suit on, just a plain white bikini, and put my clothes over top before we left my house. since finn's house was so close to caleb's, he got his own swim trunks and a pair for noah who was just as skinny, I let sadie borrow one of mine. gaten preferred swimming in his boxers.

as I stripped in front of four of my closest friends and boyfriend, I realized how cold it was at night when you were wearing no clothes.

I took a running start and cannonballed into caleb's pool, sadie close behind me and finn close behind her. soon everyone had gotten in the pool and were splashing each other relentlessly. 

I laughed and climbed on finn's shoulders to wrestle sadie on caleb's and of course, I won. I was afraid finn's scrawny shoulders would give way to my weight, even though I considered myself light, but he held strong and I won.

laughing in the pool late at night, my favourite people in the universe surrounding me, made me feel a million times better.

I decided I would rather be in a pool in Indiana with the best people I had ever known than in england, anyways. 

after we got tired of swimming and dunking each others heads in the water, we all sprawled out in the grass, towels tightly clutched around our shoulders, looking at the stars.

"it's like glitter in the sky" noah exclaimed, huddled close with gaten to keep warm.

"it sure is" I laughed, and appreciated the vast darkness of the night sky, the stars illuminating it, and the moon seems to smile down at the world, even though it was surrounded by black.

I liked how the stars sparkled and danced in the sky, I liked how the world seemed so peaceful when the world was fast asleep.

finn stroked my chlorine soaked hair and I could feel his warm breaths in the cold night air. I knew he was appreciating it just as much as me.

"I love the sunshine with my whole heart but I think the moon is pretty neat" I whispered, a faint smile plastered across my face.

"I think that even in light and dark times there's always something beautiful" finn replied.

"that was deep, dude" caleb said after a moment of silence. and then we all burst into a fit of giggles.

"I'm cold" sadie exclaimed, hopping off the grass, pulling caleb along with her. eventually everyone had left but me and finn, and we stayed only a few minutes after everyone else.

"I think my hair probably froze" he giggled as he flung his arm around me.

"then those handsome curls are locked in place" I chuckled and kissed his cheek, heading inside.

"do you guys have any plans for this summer" gaten asked after we had all changed and were sat around caleb's kitchen island.

"gaten, that's forever away" caleb said, laughing.

"I know, I know. but I was thinking we should all road trip somewhere. I don't know, maybe it's a stupid idea" he shook it off, taking a chip out of the bag and throwing it in his mouth.

"its not stupid. we should do it" I chimed in, shrugging in. "adventuring is fun" I smiled, looking at finn.

"I think we should too" sadie added, making gaten sit up like a dog who had just been asked if it wanted a treat.

"I'm in. I could use a little more adventure in my life" noah said, and I smiled at him.

"we all need more adventure. everyone does" I replied, and with that, caleb and finn agreed. in a few months, after finals, we would go on a summer road trip.

we weren't sure where, but it would happen. we had to make it happen. I felt like I was drowning in a life that was far too boring, my soul wanted road trips and culture and so I was going to travel, going with these people only made it better.

we didn't discuss it further, we didn't need details on the spot and we knew we'd figure it out. for now it was late and we spent our time giggling over things each other said.

we laughed and caleb accidentally broke a china plate that was his mother's and we had to spend ten or so minutes consoling him over the loss of his mother's plate, and also probably his freedom when she awoke. I guessed she was either an incredibly deep sleeper, or just someone who didn't care that there were six kids in her kitchen late at night.

I was glad for caleb's mother either being a deep sleeper or careless, because nights like this made me feel like I was on an adventure, sitting right here in a dimly lit kitchen at one in the morning.

have you ever felt like you were floating, soaring through the open air, just because you knew in that moment things were perfect, you were happy? I have.