zara. (BWWM)

9.

(a/n : okay change of plans. I'm just gonna keep the format how it was bc now it looks weird in the middle so just discard the authors note at the end of the last chapter.)

Zara

I️ walked out of my fourth period class and headed towards the cafeteria for lunch.

'What's for lunch today?' I️ thought to myself.

I️ entered the cafeteria and was bombarded with a wave of anxiety when I️ noticed there was a whole jungle full of people already seated.

Which was even worse than being surrounded by people while getting my food.
Because now I'm the only person standing or moving around so people can't not notice me.

Just keep your head down.
'And don't forget to poke your thighs.'

Don't make eye contact with a single soul in here.

I️ grabbed a tray and placed different foods on it, my hands shaking as every second passed.

My tray wasn't very colorful. It consisted of a bottle of water, a slice of pizza, and a slimy puddle of black-eyes peas.
Hit it Fergie.

I️ paid for my food and nervously walked toward the nearest table.

I️ set down my tray and my bag and sat down, taking a deep breath.
And of course my seat would squeak. And of course my perfectly stable bottle of water would decide to jump off my tray and onto the floor.
And of course it would bounce on the floor a total of six times just so every last one of these people could hear it over their meaningless chatter.

'At least it didn't open.'

Don't look this way, I️ silently told my peers. I️ wish I️ could speak to people with my mind.
That would be so cool. And would save me a ton of anxiety.

Then I️ wouldn't have gotten in trouble in second grade for telling that girl I️ was going to kill her. I️ could've just told her with my mind. Then Mrs. Pine wouldn't have heard me. And I️ wouldn't have gotten sent to timeout.

I️ was so care-free when I️ was younger. Nowadays I'm a little bitch.
I️ miss the days when I️ could care less  what other people thought of me. And I️ had a bunch of friends.
Now I️ only have two.

'Because people don't like you Zara.'

'It's not that people don't like me, they probably just don't have time to make new friends.'
In high school, people aren't worrying about he said-she said. They're worrying about what they're doing after high school. Or at least I️ hope they are. They don't have time to invest in drama and friends.
And neither do I️.

But, in reality all of that is false. Teenagers feed off of drama. They live and breathe it. It's like alcohol at an unsupervised party. You can't expect everyone to stay away from it.
And if we're being honest, I️ could handle a few more friends. At least three more. Just so I️ wouldn't feel so uncomfortable and lonely and anxious at this school.

I️ want to make friends and be comfortable around them. But it's the awkward stage I'm dreading.
The shy, introverted, awkward stage. I️ wish I️ could just skip to being myself.
My humorously awkward and weird self.

I️ take a bite out of my pepperoni pizza and open my bottle of water to take a sip.

I️ really can't deal with this crowd.