silence. [a YoonMin Fic]

Chapter 4

Torture. Pure torture. That was all there was.

Jimin had always relished the few seconds it took him to wake up after waking up. He could almost feel the small electrical impulses travelling through his muscles, prompting him to move around, stretch, get his body ready for another day of moving around after a night of rest (well, as much as he could get, depending on the group's schedule and on whether or not Taehyung and Hoseok scheduled an impromptu pillow-fight, or movie night or something of the sorts). His eyelids would flutter open tentatively at first, trying to get a sense of just how much light flooded the room, and then he would blink properly in order to bring the world back into focus. He'd fidget in bed a bit more, trying to find a more comfortable position. By this time Jimin was more or less fully Jimin, registering what was going on around him and more or less mentally prepared for another day.

But while the above happened in a matter of seconds, there was still that small window – while the brain seemed to allocate all its resources solely to get Jimin's body moving – when Jimin knew nothing, might as well have been nothing and just felt relaxed. Then his body would be up and the mind had to follow – the small window opened itself wide and let Jimin's memories, thoughts and feelings once again flood his being and make him, well, himself.

On this morning, Jimin woke to find himself just a bit less tired than the days before. He suspected that had something to do with him not falling asleep in a dance studio for only about 3 hours after having stayed up trying to dance away his thoughts about Yoongi.

Yoongi-hyung.

Jimin turned on his side and hugged himself and smiled widely into his pillow at the thought of his hyung. And there they were again – the now all too familiar butterflies swarming around his stomach area. For about three years now, Jimin's housed them. They took somewhat of a vacation for the most part after about a year and a half; however, due to recent events they came back in full swing, and brought their cousins with them. They were followed closely by a pang in his chest, tugging at the strings of his heart. Jimin swallowed hard. He was screwed. Totally and completely screwed. He'd been like this for about three damned years now.

Jimin had no idea how he'd be able to exist in the same room with Yoongi, not to mention talk to and interact normally with others, once he'd realised he was in love with the elder. Thankfully for him, the thing that brought them together had also kept Jimin's entire being (and most importantly, his thoughts) away from Yoongi a lot of the time. The band.

And while they all initially shared one room, they moved and now he was rooming with Taehyung and Hoseok. If Jimin had to struggle to not get caught sneaking glances at his hyung when they were changing clothes or after he came out of the shower, or just basically all the goddamn time, he needn't worry about that anymore. They now slept in different rooms.

'Yes, but they still live together.' you say? Not a problem. Practices, photo and video shootings, travelling, more practice, recordings, concerts, fan signs, varieties, interviews and god knows what else kept all of the boys busy. True, Jimin was still within a 3-meter radius of Yoongi, but during most of those times he had something else that required his full attention – from dancing, to singing, to focusing on being the charming Park Jimin that everyone seemed to see him as. And Jimin always had a side to him that felt like he wasn't good enough, wasn't doing enough, so he'd just let himself succumb to that side and pour his entire energy into his stage persona, into keeping his game face on. It was exhausting at times. But it was definitely better that letting himself hopelessly dream of Min Yoongi during every conscious moment of his life.

Pathetic.

Yeah, maybe. But Jimin didn't care. He couldn't help the way he felt about Yoongi. For a while, he had even thought that maybe somehow, someday these feelings would go away. But it never happened. Heck, at times Jimin had even considered telling Yoongi how he felt about him. But he never did. Maybe he was scared he would get rejected. That was part of it, yes. But most of all, Jimin reckoned he didn't want to reveal anything that might affect not just two people and their relationship, but the entire band overall. The band had been his family for years now and Jimin would have done anything to protect this second family that added so much to his life. So Jimin remained silent and put a lid on his feelings over the years. He never told anyone about them. Not even Taehyung.