Fool in Love [English]

Chapter 15

Chase visited me and Esahc once in a while. But he would rather see us at home or in a private place rather than going to malls or restaurants.

“Chase, let’s talk outside for a while.” I wanted to talk to Chase in private. Mom, dad and Esahc are all in the living room.

Chase and I went to the veranda. I looked up the moon shining brightly above. “Should I keep my hopes up?”

I felt Chases hand caressing me.

“Please make me understand why I should wait for you.”

Chase made me face him. He kissed me on my forehead. “You know who I am. I cannot afford to lose you again.”

“I don’t know if I could trust you. I don’t have enough reason to hold on.”

Chase took a deep breath. “I don’t know what more I could tell you. I just don’t like you to know the situation I have because I don’t want you to get involved. It is better if you know nothing. But I promise you that after all these, I will tell you everything.”

With Chase’s words, I promised myself that I would still hold on. 

Chase hasn’t been around again lately. He didn’t even contact me. I think I am going crazy.

“Sam, are you alright?” Kirk asked me.

“Huh?” I shook my head. Too many thoughts ran in my mind.

“You are not paying attention. I told you many things already. You aren’t listening at all.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Are you thinking of him.”

I nodded lightly. I can’t hide it from Kirk.

“What’s with him that I don’t have? Don’t you see that I am the one who is always with you and Esahc? Where is he now? It’s been weeks Sam! Weeks! He didn’t even bother to call you. You really are a fool! I love you Sam! I love you!” Kirk blurted.

“I already told you that I cannot reciprocate the feeling you have for me.”

“This is pathetic.”

 “Then hate me because I’m the bad person!” I started to shed tears.

“I love him,” I stood on my knees with my hands on the ground. “I love Chase.”

I didn’t know what came in my mind that I started to apologize to Kirk. “I’m so sorry. I know how silly it is for me to tell you. But… but… I can’t help but love him!”

Kirk held both my shoulders. “If you stay with him you’ll only be miserable.”

“But my life without Chase isn’t complete. There is this emptiness inside me that is needed to be filled. It had to be him… No one else could fill that gap except him.”

Kirk glared at me. “You like being hurt? How can you love someone like him?”

“I don’t love him because it’s perfect love! I don’t love him because he is an important person, or because he is flawless, or because he doesn’t make any mistakes! I know we’re fools… We’ve been stupid… We’ve been doing nothing but hurting each other, needlessly. We made simple things complicated.”

I stood up and faced Kirk. “But does it have to be perfect to be called ‘love?’ Is it worthy of being called ‘love’ only when it’s as pretty as a picture? I can’t give up on him. I don’t know how to give up on him. When I’m with him, what’s running on my mind is how I couldn’t stand the time I spent without him… The times when we’re together are the times I felt more alive.”

“To you it might look pathetic. But this is ‘love’ for both of us.”

Kirk didn’t utter any word.

“We can’t wake up one morning to find ourselves reborn as perfect people… As if we are characters in some kind of novel. It is not like we have graduated from all the stupid things we have done… But… If I am going to make mistakes, I’m going to make them with him. If I’m going to make the most stupid move then I would gladly make it with him. If I am about to hurt a man, it will have to be him. When I fight, regret and apologize… they will also be with him. With him I’ll laugh, and with him I cry. I’m going to keep him in my life. I’ll eat by his side. I’ll sleep by his side. And I’ll wake up every single day by his side. I am going to be happy together with him.”

“I guess, this is game over for me.”

“I’m so sorry Kirk.”

“Don’t be. I am a fool too. You warned me a couple of times. You dumped me a couple of times. I am the one who is persistent. I just hate myself for being such a damn stupid person.”

I hugged Kirk. “You are such a good person Kirk. I know that someday you could really find the imperfect person perfect for you.”

Kirk walked me home. We’ve been silent throughout the entire walk. We don’t know what else to talk about.

“I guess this is the last night of being a persistent person. Starting tomorrow I will be your friend. No more than that.”

“Thank you Kirk.” I smiled at him.

“But I wanna tell you this. If you ran at me crying because of Chase, I will really take you with me. Do you understand?”

I just laughed with what Kirk said to me.

“Good night Sam. Give Esahc a hug for me.”

“Yes I will. Good night Kirk.”

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DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © getalifeandliveit, 2014

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