Letting Go

chapter 4

I get up and lean against the locker and take out my phone and text gabby.

‘Why did you run away from me?’  I text her and she replied back a couple minutes later saying.

‘ I'm sorry brandon but we shouldn't be friends anymore’

my eyes start to water up. No I can't lose her she's the only thing holding me up.

‘ what did jacob say to you?’ I text back and she replies back saying.

‘ it doesn't matter but all I need you to know is that we can't be friends so please don't come up to me or talk to me’

I stare down at my phone and I start crying I can't take this.

He has ruined my life. I don't have no one besides my sister but even she is too embarrassed to let people know that we are related so I don't have no one.

I start to bang the lockers while crying. I felt someone grab my shoulder and I turn around to see its the main counselor

“ honey please come to my office to talk” and I start to shake my head no

“ no I don't want to “ I say and she seems to think about my answer

“then at least come to sit and cool down and I could get you some clean clothes” she says and I nod my head and follow her to her office.

I feel empty. I know you must think i'm exaggerating but it's true

  I'm gay.

Can't talk to no one about who I really am besides my best friend.

Who now isn't my friend anymore.

I get bullied every single day.

People hate me at school when I'm nothing but nice to them.

I can't talk to my parents because they don't approve of what I am.

My sister is embarrassed of me. My life sucks.

Sometimes I feel like I don't want to live maybe the world and everyone would be better off without me

“ you could take a seat I'll be right back with clothes” she says and I nod

I walk over to the couch in her office and take a seat and I start to remember memories of me and my best friend and I start to cry.

The counselor Ms. Bettsy comes back in with clothes

“ here ..there's a bathroom in here so you can go change " and I nod and go into the restroom and I just sit down on the floor and bring my knees up to my chest and cry.

I know I must look like a crybaby especially because I'm a guy but a lot as happened to me and I don't know how to pick myself back up again.

My best friend used to say I was Resilience which means no matter what comes my way and knocks me down i always come back up but i cant see my self coming back up from this

“are you alright in there “ I hear ms. Bettsy says and I say a quiet yes and I hear her walk away

              I can't play at that game . Jacob will humiliate me and my family and gabby I don't want my family to be humiliated by me.

I don't want to see their face when they find out they will think i'm disgusting.

If I could not be gay anymore i would stop for them but I can't help it.

I don't want my family worrying about me and to have my best friend have me as a friend who has to sacrifice her spare time with me in my room because if we go out people will make fun of me.

Their life would be way better without me in it.

I get up and start searching the bathroom for anything and I open the mirror and see a bottle of medication and I stare down at them.

I've made my decision.

I get up and change and walk out the bathroom

“um can I have some paper and a pencil “ I ask ms. Bettsy and she nods and gets them and hands me them and I walk off to the bathroom again and start to write a letter for my parents , my sister, and gabby.