Stories from A Troubled Boy

BULLIED

Who do we give the right to embarrass ourselves? I believe they are our friends, with whom we expect and believe that we can be our true self, and stating the obvious, can have endless fun together. But in this 21st century where majority of us are known for our extrovert nature, how do we decide the line between fun and an insult, and above all, who is going to decide that?

We all have at least one aspect of our personality that we are deep embarrassed of, and we don't let anyone get to that. It is like that sensitive part of our bold persona and if anyone messes with it, we feel deeply offended, and that anyone can literally be anyone.

What use can we put that 'Fun' to, if it is the main reason that is contributing to our sense of low self esteem. In this all, I couldn't help wondering that is it very much that we expect that we are not offended by people who we call friends, and especially when we have confided in them our weak point?

For what jokes and memes on the social media say, "A friend is not a friend until he embarrasses in public," is a different story. A girl may not like to be called fat in public, even by the people she loves, but what if the friends don't understand? Then what can be possible outcomes? An anorexic girl, a depressed soul, or the worst, a dead hanged body.

Ironical it is, that the day I delivered a speech on bullying at the valedictory function of the special camp in the morning, had the same evening I was bullied by my friends. False accusations, fired by useless rumors and misunderstandings. I am making them angels by saying it were some misunderstandings. Truthfully, it was their sheer blind eye to the kindness I embody. I am not making myself a hero as well. I am vicious as well. I do hurt that can hurt someone, but I know my limits. I know the power of apologizing. I know how to listen, and the best, when to shut up.

They say that I was never bullied. How could they possibly know? Taking unsolicited advice on how to be stronger has never been my forte. My belief have always been to be hard on the bullies, rather on the bullied. I would never tell them this, because I hope they were never shoved and kicked around as I was. They were never called ugly names, and they would have never cried themselves to sleep. They were never too embarrassed to leave a celebration because people were too mean, and you couldn't take it more. If that's not being bullied, I can never tell what else is. I hope they would have never contemplated killing themselves.

I am so ashamed of how I look that I chose to not show my face in a video chat to the person I love, irrespective of many times they have told me that I am good looking. And why? Because I have been repeatedly told by the people around me and more specifically, the group of people I am in, that I have a face that no one can like. They have mocked me enough to let me know that I am not handsome or beautiful, and it has become a part of my sub conscious.

I am not lying when I say that I have no bitterness for the people who have hated me well in my school days or still who hate or dislike me in college.

But the people, who you meet daily, talk to, sit with, enjoy with and share with have to value you. I am aware that there isn't an obligation, but that is your squad. Poking fun, teasing, and playing pranks, all is well, but you got to stand up for each other. If they don't, then they aren't your people. If they engage in conversations that have the capability to shake you to core, if they deliberately become a part of the gossips and rumors that can wither your image, it's sad to tell that they are people who are bad for you.

I know I am not a simple human being. I have my complications and nuances that are too hard to handle sometimes. I am over at times and too gentle sometimes. But, I am sensitive. I am kind. I am empathetic. I am helpful. You have to accept the whole package. Sadly, I don't come in pieces.

Thinking about when we lost our tolerance, I couldn't help but wonder: are we too self-centered?