Stories from A Troubled Boy

Bullying

Do we really fear what we feel is different? Are we really unable to understand the differences? Have we failed to admire the beauty of difference? Does jealousy make us behave us the way we do? Does hurting someone really give us pleasure?

Occasional teasing, name calling and jabs are a part of any school or college making none completely devoid of it or where would be the fun? But such repeated instances where one lashes out at the other more often with verbal, physical and emotional abuses is a grave problem that the society is aware of, but reluctant and ignorant enough to not talk about it because they have failed to realise the scope of the problem.

I would never brush off bullying as human nature but rather blame it on the child's inability to empathize or to be tolerant. But why the people who are polite, kind and sensitive be at the receiving end of the hate that the bullies have in them? Who are the soft targets? Anyone who stands out as different: Class topper with big glasses, maybe, effeminate boys, tomboys, a fat person, or someone too lean.

Until now, I could never understand why my friend lied to his father about that bruise. He was beaten by our classmates who couldn't stand him standing up to them. He wasn't worried about the bruise. Not at all. Rather, he was worried about how his father would react when he hears about this. He would beat him more that how could he let their family name down, that how could be such a coward. I, on the other hand, was told to never lie about such matters. I was asked to always report such incidents to my mother. Still, she is the first to know when I have been physically bullied or severely verbally abused that it affects my mental peace.

However, boys are less likely to report it to their parents and shy away from taking help thinking that it would emasculate them, and this is what bully plays to its advantage. The parents also need to understand that telling a boy he is weak because he couldn't stand to his bullies can permanently hamper his growth. According to a report by The Times of India, 70 percent of students experience bullying in school, but only 20 to 40 percent report it. The only reason the bullied doesn't report is the embarrassment or the fear the bully has filled in them.

If it takes a village to raise a child, it definitely takes a village to abuse one. It doesn't just involve the violent voices of the perpetrators but also the silence, laughs and the apathy of the mute spectators. I have met teachers as well that would laugh at the horrid names spoken to a child under their supervision. I have witnessed the members of the management of the school saying that they can't do anything to stop bullying. I have learned about parents who have beaten their children because their child was too weak that he was bullied. I could only boo at their lack of empathy, sensitivity and kindness.

I also am no strangers to people calling me names and occasional shove in the corridor but I often ignore, but that doesn't mean I brush it off. I make sure to stand up to the bully one way or another, but do those bullies really learn a lesson? The only alternative I have to immune myself from the insults but it's practically impossible. But why do we have to tell the bullied or the victims to stand up for themselves and not the bullies to stop the bullying? Telling the bullied to take action is putting the onus on the victim and not the bullies.

There is a strict need for both teachers and parents to never let it go, or to never tell your bullied child to just take it as a teasing incident or merely console them by such statements, "It happens," "Toughen up" or "Don't make a fuss about it." It's been reported that people who are bullied are often people who end with an inferiority complex, low self esteem and even mental illness.

Writing these lines, I could actually hear those people who bullied me laugh. They would laugh on their minds not being able to comprehend that how their jabs and shaming could push someone to a darker place as severe as a clinical disease. They do it because we never let the bullies understand the severity of their actions. We let them get away with it. However, right now, they can't be held liable because no system is in place to hold them accountable. A Quora user rightly said that bullying will only stop when the costs outweigh the benefits enjoyed by the perpetrators.

When we will be strict and vigilant that we won't allow any bully get away with it, this is when we will bring justice to the ones bullied into silence, because "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

Still, I couldn't help but wonder: "will it ever get better?"