My Mask [Completed]

Desire...

Do i want?

Do i need?

Do i care?

Nobody understands what happens in my brain...

We smile together...

We laugh together...

We are together...

But i don't "FEEL" together...

I'm always putting smiles on people's faces...despite all the shit i'm feeling...

Nobody sees it...

I wear a mask...

Sometimes i slip it off..

But when they notice...

I put it back on again...

I don't want to feel this way...

i don't want them to sense that i feel this way...

WHAT THE FUCK!?!

WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT!?!

I wanna be alone...

I wonder what it'll be like if they never knew me...

I wonder what it'll be like if i...

Nothing...

I hate everything...

DON'T TALK TO ME!

DON'T LOOK AT ME!

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Is it better to have a roof over your head but don't know shit about your own surroundings?

Or is it better to be homeless, travel the roads, survive...

I want to do so much...

i know so much...

Trapped in a void of my own sorrow...

I bet most of my friends that are reading this barely knew this even existed inside this "Jolly", "Crazy", "Talented", "Alien"...boy

Why do i show that?

Can't i be myself anymore?

Is there even a "Myself" to return to?

What do i do?...

How do i live?...

Why?...

Why do i...live?...

I've been wondering why i always look down...

Why i always prefer to walk with my hands in my pocket...

Why i...try

It's hard to fit in...

I always somehow force a smile...

But when i don't...
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PLEASE END IT...

I wish...

FUCK THIS!

I DON'T DESERVE NOTHING!

I DON'T NEED NOTHING!

I DON'T DESERVE ANYONE!

They don't deserve me...

i don't deserve to smile...

It hurts...

Joy hurts...

I wonder how many times i almost cried in the face of my friends...

My family...

But hey! I'm a Fucking actor right?

Faking emotions while hiding others is my shit!

I've lost myself...

Between all these "emotions"

I forgot what it was like to feel...

I don't want to feel anymore...

One day i went out and had my mom buy me a knife...

A sharp...red...knife...

To this day i look for anything to cut it with...

I wonder what shade covers it next...

Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh

I'm going insane...

I can hear them...

I can see them...

I can...FEEL them...

They're everywhere...