My Mask [Completed]

More Envy

It's right there…

It's always right there…

Scooped up by a hungry eagle…

Hypnotized by it's eyes…

Can't get enough…

It's never enough…

Hung in front of me like bait to fish out my feelings…

Reel it out…

Murder it…

Brutally dissect it…

Consume it…

Flip it inside out and force it back along with all it's pain and scars into me…

False hope…

Fake smiles…

I don't know what to do…

What to feel…

If to feel at all…

I want to cry but i can't force a tear out because every single emotion is as fake as the last…

I want to scream but my voice is trapped by the constant pain trying to force down every emotion…

Every outbreak…

I want…

But i can't have…

Once i have…

I don't need…

Are you ok?

…Yeah…

The same fucking answers i keep giving because i can't admit that all i want is to be alone…

To disappear…

To not exist…

I've fixed so many people's lives while killing mine…

I wonder if they never met me…

Say I LOVE YOU but do you really?

Love is a big word...

Dangerous…

Evil…

People say "I love you" all the time…

Do they mean it?

Do we mean it?

Does this fucking generation even know the meaning of the word "Love"?

Do we know Love?

What the fuck even is love?

A fucking game?

A joke?

A sick and twisted mind tormenting fucking game!?

Am i just jealous?

Desperate?

I envy…

I envy a lot…

I get what life throws at me…

Not what i want…

Not what i need…

I help others with what they need…

Bound to forget me…

I know too many people…

My mistake…

I shouldn't have made so many people smile…

They're just bound to turn bitter again because that's how life is. Whatever keeps fucking you up that makes you frown or depressed, that shit is going to keep fucking you up no matter how much i make you laugh…

I'm sorry but that's just the bitter truth…

Either choose to swallow it and get better, or spit it out and stay ill and…

Why the fuck do i keep envying?

Why the fuck do i envy?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I don't want…

But i envy…

I'm desperate…

For things others have…

People younger than me are fulfilling my dreams and theirs at the same time right before my eyes…

People all around me finding happiness in things…

People…

I want someone…

I envy those who have someone but when i get one i push them away…

I hide…

I'm such a fucking coward!

I can't stop questioning…

Over thinking…

I want you but i can't make myself need you…

Feel you…

Truly want you…

I can't be happy…

It's your…

No…

It's my fault…

It's all my fucking fault!

I'm a dumbass loser idiotic and retarded freak! A stupid clown, a fake jackass who can't be true to himself!

I want to fucking cry, drown myself in my tears, end it all…

But my dumbass can't even be true to that…

Do i love?

Do i want to love?

They get more…

But i get more than some…

But some get more than me…

This system is just bullshit!

I want to leave…

Disappear…

Seize to exist…

I want to say goodbye but i can't do it…

I'm weak…

I'm stupid…

I'm worthless…

Who cares?

Who cares if they cry?

Who cares if they miss me?

Who cares if i was their only happiness?

Who cares if they follow me?

I do…

I care…

I don't want to…

But i do…

Sadly…

I feel too…

I don't want to…

But i do…

I do…

I just…

I just do…