My Mask [Completed]

Envy

Envy…

Desire…

Jealousy…

I cry inside knowing i don't deserve…

I am not worthy…

I see things every day…

Things i want…

I envy…

I don't know where i belong…

Where i should be…

Where i deserve to be…

Love…

Love hurts…

A game…

A fucking test to tear you apart so slowly that you feel the pain of every single molecule tearing apart…

The silent screams as i break down internally, falling down on the sharp shards of myself…

That shit sticks with with me every single fucking time i think about it!

I try to take a step but each fucking step is breaking under my feet forcing me to walk this long endless road of broken shards…

I need someone…

Just one person…

I want someone…

They have better things to do than to waste their time…

I don't want to waste your time…

Someone once said that they're only in love with the concept of loving someone…

Is this why i'm such a coward?

Why i keep running?

Why i keep avoiding everything in fear of being hurt again?

Pathetic…
Loser…
Idiot…
Stupid…
Coward…
Coward…
Coward…
Coward…
Coward…

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. You deserve nothing more…

Why am i like this?

Why do i envy?

Am i only in love with the concept of having?

Of loving?

Feeling?

Happiness?

Success?

Why do i envy success if all i do is fail and complain?

Do i even deserve to envy?

Should i cry?

Do i deserve to cry?

Should i just…just sit here?

Should i exist?

Does it even matter at this point?

It probably doesn't matter anymore because all i do is try to fucking desperately make people happy just so they can like me!

Only to fucking realise that they're doing the same…

When in reality nobody gives a fuck about anyone…

I'm…i'm lonely as fuck in a group of people that don't know i exist…

They don't care about…

They…

I…

It's all me isn't it?