A Whack on Titan! Vol. 1 (Attack On Titan Parody x M!/F! Reader)

Chapter 5, Titanic Sailing

(WARNING: WILL CONTAIN WEIRD FETISHES THAT MIGHT BE PRETTY SCARRING, SO BE WARNED.)

Y/N: Wait what do you mean by that?

You'll know sooner.

Y/N: Oh.. Okay..

-Eren's POV-

"Ugh.... W-Where the hell am I? Blood?... Wait... I thought I was..." 

I gasp in shock to see the many of dead bodies, except one that was still alive, but lost it's sanity.

Little Girl: Mommy.... I miss you...

I stare at the little girl who was slowly being consumed by the pool of blood that was in the titan's digestive system.

The little girl submerges in the pool of blood, while Eren was really freaked out.

"I wasn't ready for this, I don't want to die like this!!! I thought we were ready for the rape, I THOUGHT WE WERE READY!!!!!!"

I pointed my arm that was cut off by the titan's teeth, and raise it up in the air. 

" You were the reason why my mother was a slut! you were the reason why my mother was scared of sex, SHE WASN'T READY!!!!!"

I lost consciousness and turn into a titan, growing out of the titan, and fighting another, saying "Get Rekted."

I was soon woken up to consciousness, seeing (Y/N), Mikasa, and Armin protecting me from people that were against me.

"What, what is going on?"

"Eren YEAGER!" A voice called out and asked me a question. "ARE YOU HUMAN?!"

"YES, YES I AM HUMAN!" I yelled back.

"Well, I guess we can kill them now." said the commander. A soldier interrupts, and asks the most stupidest question I have heard.

Solder: But sir, what if he's a dildo?

Commander Dick: No, hes not a dildo Johnny.

Johnny: But I'm a perverted horny man, my sexual desires could lead us to a tactical disadvantage.

Commander Dick: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, EREN YEAGER, ARE YOU A DILDO?!

I blinked my eyes multiple times hearing that question, and then answer it back.

"NO, I AM NOT A DILDO! I'M A HUMAN! A HUMAN YOU HEAR ME?!"

Commander Dick: Are you satisfied Johnny?

Johnny: What about emergency strap-ons?

Commander Dick: OH GOD DAMMIT, ARE YOU ANY KIND OF SEX TOY?!

I yelled back the answer stating very clearly." FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I AM A HUMAN, NOT A FUCKING SEX TOY, WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THESE GOD DAMN QUESTIONS?!"

"Shut up! I'm asking the questions here!" said the Commander.

"He answered the question sir." Said the female soldier with white hair.

"Oh, Okay." said the commander.

"Now, Can you please quiet down, and stop being weird?" I said.

"NEVER!" yelled the commander, as he signaled the sign to fire the cannon.

"We have to go, now!" yelled Mikasa, as she picked me up and tried to run, along with ARmin, and (Y/N)

"GODDAMMIT, WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ME?!" I yelled.