Omg! A Matty Healy Fanfic

// C H A P T E R F I F T E E N //

Somehow I didn't need to hold on for my life, as others did. I didn't need to scream, I didn't need to cry. I just...sat there. I awaited my death, which was indeed promised to me at that moment, and from the very day I was born...it made no sense why those around me did those things, as it surely was promised to them, too.

The sound of a constant buzzing was repetetive. It was one of the many sounds of the explosion in which the airplane I sat on to get back home had just created. I could feel myself falling out of the sky. I was dying. The bits and the pieces of the plane's build crushed me, and all those around me.

I didn't know what would become of me after the promised death, only that the eternal life in which humanity wished and hoped for would not be granted. For no one could defeat death, because when he came, he conquered all. He was a promise, not a threat...but we often take him as a threat...

Maybe he wasn't a he. Maybe he was a she...who could know? All of those thoughts went through my head as I ached the pain of the impact. Everything went black, and I sprung up out of bed with an instant.

I looked around me, I was in my bedroom. I could still hear the buzzing, why? Where is it? I was dreaming...or am I awake within another dream? I held my hands out, staring at my fingers as they shook on their own.

I sighed, almost crying, but no tears would come out...I cried, in a double sense. Why was it a dream? Why couldn't I really die?

What did I live for, who did I live for?

But why did I want to die? Why couldn't I overcome the feelings of longing to end it all? I wanted to be well. I wanted to be...sane...

I then realized my phone was the foundation of the buzzing sound which assisted my dream and doubtfulness of awakening from that dream. I searched for it under my blankets, then looked it out as I fought for my arm back in the twist of them all.

Matty was calling.

My heart skipped several beats in my chest. I couldn't believe he was calling, why? He didn't care earlier, why would he care now? Did he forget to say something else sassy to me? The night hadn't even ended yet, and I still wanted to jump off a bridge. I felt at ease, when I could shut my eyes, and imagine myself falling to my own death. I began to feel crazy. I knew that I wasn't...but maybe that was the first step, the denial...

I was alone.

I was alone in a world full of people who seemed not to be. Alone in a world in which it only felt like I was alone. I looked at my phone as it notified me for a voicemail from Matty. I went to it and swiped it, deleting it right away.

Could he leave me alone.

I fell back onto my pillow and pulled the blankets over my head, trying my best not to cry anymore...my eyes burned.

It buzzed again. Matty.

I sighed and sat up, grabbing the phone.

"What do you want?" I answered it.

"Look I wanted to tell you I'm sorry, okay?" He said, I could tell he was smoking a cigarette.

"For what? You were right, I think nothing of myself so why should you think anything of me. It's whatever goodb--"

"I want to talk to you. I'm in front of your house. Come outside."

"What? Now? No." I shook my head, it was two o'clock in the morning.

"Come on, seriously I'm tired of you doing this--"

"Doing what?!"

"Hiding away, why can't we just talk it out? Okay George told me what happened."